I’m not sure “NFL head coach is an exclusive job” is a rebuttal to all the reasons why 22 year old dismissed charges shouldn’t decide people’s professional careers.

Actually, getting indicted by a grand jury is pretty darn close to nothing in terms of actual proof of guilt or innocence.

Getting fired sounds like a choice ;).

If you can live with the shame of working for Duke, this kind of bad publicity probably won’t faze you.

Uber can’t drive down the road without running over a person with a bicycle. 5 mins after that thing takes off it’ll be taking a short cut through a skyscraper.

Reports indicate that the groundhog was apparently holding a cell phone.

Huh. I would have thought cornholing involved fewer shorts.

Technically, traveling to the USA from Canada by land or sea, you don’t need a passport. Your driver’s license is acceptable.

I mean, what, his little fire extinguisher never got recharged after that time in the X-Wing?

In all seriousness though, that could have gone really badly.

Racoons are just rats with better PR. Feel free to run those fuckers down.

No, I’m sure race and sex had nothing to do with it because the course can show records of all the many times it called the police on groups of white dudes who were playing too slow, right? Oh wait, no...

This sounds like kind of a trivial problem to be causing so much angst. If he’s having this amount of trouble figuring out something as simple as getting his car moved a half mile to a buddy’s place, I have bad news about what life has in store down the road.

I don’t care if he doped, I care that he was a colossal asshole who ruined people’s lives to cover up his shitty behavior. I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire.

Ah, fair enough.

You think most people in this country don’t make $360K over the course of their entire life?

Hey, if there was at least one few furiner in the country, he could’ve won this thing on a no show.

ESPN should send all email into the grays unless someone from an ambiguously defined group of super users replies to it.

A $62,000 fine is “huge” to me. It’s a rounding error to Ferrari.

When are they going to set up the tribunals for the mass “seducing an unmarried woman” trials, and how on earth are we going to incarcerate that many millions of offenders? Where do I turn myself in?