I’m pretty sure all it does is flash your potential score up on the HUD as you approach a pack of victi... er, pedestrians.

If you’re teaching your children that college sports is important enough to cry over when you watch it, you’re parenting wrong.

There seems to be a significant misunderstanding in their community about the fact that being good at Street Fighter, doesn’t actually make you a street fighter.

As Chris Rock says, if you make the police run after you, they’re bringing an ass kicking with them.

In the still image, the kid looks astonished than an obviously homeless crazy man has gotten past security.

Wait.... so you got a random email about some drug you never heard of and thought, “It’d be fun to try this”?

People insist on running these things on a shoestring. If you can’t afford to pay out the winners, regardless of what kind of dispute you’re having over costs, maybe you shouldn’t be hosting at all.

Never mind, I’m an idiot who can’t read :).

Ya, well, things are way worse in Saudi Arabia!!!!

Oh great, so as long as we’re better than the Saudi’s it’s all good? Awesome.

Something something false flag something something.

“Son, this is gonna hurt you more than it does our overseers.”

Exactly this. Being drunk doesn’t make you and asshole. It makes you stop trying to hide the fact that you’re an asshole.

“We’re losing money on this deal.”

“That sounds like a pretty dumb way to do business, but I appreciate it.”

The part that always blows me away on these stories is not the outrageous hours, it’s the shitty pay. If you’re working 18 hours a day, 6-7 days a week to make mid 5 figures, you might want to re-evaluate some life choices.

I’m going to need that dog to pee in, on, and around this plastic cup.

I read on the internet that a round planet can cause autism.

In fairness, the league doesn’t sanction bloody fistfights with the ref.

“I wasn’t doing nothing” is tied with “I don’t know why I was arrested” for the most common thing I heard every time I had to talk to someone in jail in New Orleans during Mardi Gras.

If you don’t understand the difference between reporting on a public figure’s medical condition and printing a copy of their medical records, I think you’re the one who is nonsensical.

Why is that one guy crapping out a dick and balls?