No effing way. I’ll let someone else watch it detonate/burn to the ground/fall to pieces alongside the road.

Shit... I use the same deodorant as Justin Bieber. Now I have to change.

My parents bought a Premier ES like the day they came out. It was even grey on grey like the one in the ads. Other than a transmission that was replaced under warrantee, it was a great car. I did enjoy driving it. But I was 17. Oh... And the speedometer never worked. And the front seats kinda sucked. And it had too…

Too many miles and not a manual.

My favorite that passed me was a Bentley Bentayga. I was going 145 or so. He must have been doing 160. Good on ya!

I once rented a Chevy Impala for a family trip from NY to NC. I went to pick it up and asked about any upgrades available. They’d fucked up and not held my Impala anyway so I got a Chrysler 300 SRT-8 in full Walter White spec. It was for my sister’s wedding so it was appropriate. I drove it nicely with my kids and…

You must be really fun at parties.

Not weird at all. I like them also.

Tragic. Almost as tragic as the number of typos in this article.

The high mileage makes me nervous but actually... ANY mileage on an Alfa makes me nervous.

NP all day long but I’m not sure I want anything says DUI on it in my engine bay. I’d probably sticker over that. Don’t want to test Karma.

Okay... Sure.

“Look at all of them, my dear. Splaying themselves out in such immodest fashion for all the world to see. Soaking in the sun. Turning their skin the perfect shade of bronze. Little do they know it will allllll be over soon. ALL BE OVER, I TELL YOU! Now where is my sun destroying missile controller? IT FELL OUT!?!!?…

But... T-Tops make your penis bigger! It’s science!

Well done, sir. Well done.

I have no evidence for this statement but I expect good things from the Renault engine next season.

What? No T-Tops? What are you? Canadian?

Hence the joke.

Is there a Martlin Luther King Blvd anywhere yet?

For better or for worse, Alex Roy is our Hunter S. Thompson. Sometimes he’s terribly insightful and terribly eloquent. Sometimes he’s a raving lunatic and completely 100% WRONG. But to sum up... Parker sucks.