*go to google.com*

Yeah, I went back and forth about whether she was lip-syncing or not. Maybe there was a backing track?

my liver can’t take it anymore

I think you missed one of Selena’s performances, because I definitely saw her perform (aka “lipsynch while breathing heavily and looking like an uncomfortably young girl being inappropriately sexual”) twice.

Yeah, dudes are just naturally gifted and always know how to dress appropriately for an event.

Thanks for bringing up the cat! I attempted to watch this series, but only made it to the point where he casually mentions he set a cat on fire and threw it in a river. At that point I was all “Hell no. 18 years wasn’t long enough for you, mother fucker!”

PC or Mac?

Why have I never before heard “got two birds stoned at once”???? I’m going to have to use that all the time now.

In my mind it was Halpert that was tricked into doing 13 Hours because he thought it was another Threat Level Midnight.

You’re all going to think I’m Nostradamus, but I’m going to call Haley’s response now: Angry, nonsensical, and no more than 10% relevant to anything the President actually has to say.

Don’t let it be. Please. My ex does not believe that he has said some of the things he has said and he would deny to his death that I’ve ever been afraid of him. I told him one day that he had hurt my feelings when he had loudly mocked me for not being able to produce enough breastmilk for our baby, and he denied he…

Are you out now or are you trying to get out?

The list of what is wrong with people actually IS the site.

HE DROPS HER HAND. LORD JESUS. Be less of a droid, George. The woman just wanted to celebrate with someone and you can’t exactly get handsy with the First Lady.

Finally, something that puts the “good” in “good morning”.

I WANT TO KNOW. My personal 3 feelings would be:

Oh gosh yeah Kirby Delauter, how did we forget about Kirby Delauter just Kirby Delautering around town with his Kirby face and his Delauter demeanor

Look I have a platform! My beautiful sexy daughter and my chaste smart wife have been working on it all night. Wait a minute flip that. My smart sexy daughter and my chaste beautiful wife. That’s not quite right either...my sexy beautiful daughter-wife, anyways! We have a platform that’ll knock em dead (autocorrect…

with a name like arbour she should make a like a tree and get out of here

I attended a fundamental baptist middle school (ankle length jean skirts, chapel, no pop music, etc) and I distinctly remember a “science” class where they had to do some major mental gymnastics to support a literal biblical interpretation of science. Fossils are a lie from Satan, carbon dating is a trick by…