Can some smartass Texan legislator attach an amendment/rider that adds millions to Texas’s version of WIC? The wording can be something like “in recognition of the babies born to teen mothers unable to adequately care for them that will certainly be a result of this bill’s passing.”

You can donate to Jane’s Due Process here. You can help ensure pregnant minors have legal representation.

we want to protect parents’ rights

I did not cry. I did, however, start to have one hell of a panic attack once it was time for me to walk down the aisle. As I started to wheeze and get dizzy, my father (who was walking me down the aisle) looked at me and just grinned.

I’m convinced Jesus is real, because there is no way double sided sticky tape is that powerful. That tape had some footprint on the sand moments where sometimes they were both holding kim’s boobs, and sometimes the tape faltered, and that's when Jesus carried Kim's boobs.

Abortion: It really brings out your inner child.

Encourage them to travel. Frequently.

“So: what totally frivolous item would you buy if you suddenly became filthy rich? “

Killer Whale Submarine. $90,000. I saw it in SkyMall.

So my parents bought their retirement home from a wealthy, childless gay couple. Y’all, this spot is wall-to-wall party showers. We’re talking minimum 25 square feet in the smallest one with 3 shower heads, and the master bedroom with, no fucking shit, 12 heads total and enough room to comfortably fit at least 10-15…

Allen is a ‘former’ city manager because his all-female commission fired him. I wonder if he might have some sort of ax to grind about women in authority.

I am actually laughing out loud

Help yourself to the bourbon hidden under my mattress too.

Half eaten tacos? You couldn’t finish the tacos? Give ‘em here.

I accept this award on behalf of bored underachievers everywhere. If you believe in yourself you too may one day stumble into mediocrity.

Thank god someone else felt this way. I wondered for a minute if I was having a stroke.

There’s an old saying that the Southern man doesn’t care how close the black man gets as long as he doesn’t get too big, while the Northern man doesn’t care how big the black man gets as long as he doesn’t get too close. So black mayor, WGAF, black tenants in the building, WE’RE FUCKING MOVING NOW EDITH.

Yep, pretty much. And after they hop on that Holy Spaceship, we Jews, whom they love so much, get to be swept into the Lake of Fire™ and tortured for eternity. I mean, that’s totally how you treat your BFFs, right?