jesus fucking christ

This is what it takes. Think about that. And we’ll still hear any and all dirt they can find on Scott during the trial.

cat’s trying to kill you, dude.

How else are you idiots going to learn?

As a child, I assumed all cats were girls and all dogs were boys. They had puppies and kitties together. I found out that wasn't the case when I read a horror story about what happens when you mix cats and dogs. It was creepy.

I have so many cat toys strewn over the floors that it looks like I have actual children. Does that stop the little mofos from knocking shit off counters? NO IT DOES NOT. It's just never, never, never, never enough from these jerks.

Try getting anyone to believe that you have a black eye because your cat knocked a bottle off a shelf and onto your bed while you were sleeping. Everyone kept nodding, giving me pitying looks, and surreptitiously handing me a card with info about domestic abuse.

This does nothing to explain why she looks directly in my eye with an expression that clearly says “guess what I’m about to do, bitch?” before she knocks things over.

Whatever my cat has knocked ice water on my head multiple times while I was asleep. My old bed used to have a little shelf to put things on above the headboard and my cat loved knocking the water off directly onto me.

Next you’re going to tell me that you don’t show your butthole to strangers by way of introduction? I’m incredulous.

Ahem

Also we are clearly doing it to teach you valuable life lessons and that material possessions are not nearly as important as us getting to do whatever the fuck we want, whenever the fuck we want.

When I’m having a shitty day, this gif plays on a loop in my head. Rock on, cat who gives no fucks.

This is why I’m a dog person.

Obligatory

My answer: