God I dislike Khloe Kardashian so fucking much. Woman, you are THIRTY FOUR FUCKING YEARS OLD. Take this mess off of Twitter and grow the fuck up. Also, this cracked me up.

Smelly crotch, smelly crotch, what are they feeding you?

The best take I’ve seen on this (performance I have not seen)

Eric always looks like he’s spent three days trying to get into a 7-11 through the backdoor after someone told him his HS crush was working there and would do *anything* to see him.

Eric is the one with tonsil stones for teeth right?

I have absolutely zero poker face most of the time, but in high school I learned how to lie pretty well because my mother was very strict and unreasonable much of the time. So I can’t hide my feelings unless I know in advance that I’ll have to.

Defense attorneys, god love ‘em. I mean, we all know they are an integral part of the justice system, but man.

Drew Barrymore produced and starred in the best Cinderella adaptation in movie history, Ever After.

This “All the Women Are Lying” attorney sounds kinda dumb, even to me, not a lawyer. Like this: “Double jeopardy should apply to everyone, including R. Kelly.” Really? These are new charges by different women, are they not? Just cause he got off one time doesn’t mean no one can EVER accuse him of a similar crime. WTF?…

The fucker better face the music and dance like a cat on a hot tin roof

“According to Greenberg, Kelly is not a flight risk because “Contrary to the song, Mr. Kelly doesn’t like to fly.”

I doubt R.Kelly is familiar with this song from the standards canon, but it certainly seems like the first verse is precisely what he should be thinking -or his lawyers should be telling him - right now...

And my default as a person, is to be unfailingly honest and straightforward. I hate doublespeak and hypocrisy and all that. So even though I can pass off a lie at first, later I revert back to my need to be honest and forget that I was supposed to lie about it.  Maybe it’s because I’m pretty good at spotting lies and…

I couldn’t even manage to pretend to like the people I worked with, let alone carry off any kind of complicated scheme.  Seriously, I work from home now.

My most complicated lie, which is ongoing, is to convince people around me that I can’t lie. And everyone believes it. I’m always saying how I’m a terrible liar. Then every now and then I lie then immediately cop to it, usually with a laugh and “Man, I suck at lying.”

I once successfully rented an apartment for incalls using the most insanely complex series of Google Voice numbers (for my “references” and “place of work”), fake accents (see previous notes), randomly googled sample SS number, and a horrifically bad fake name.

I still have that bra (7 years later) and fox tail dude sex was hawt. Thanks for the including me 😘

I avoid lying whenever possible because my laziness really hates competition, so just reading this comment section makes me feel exhausted.

My girlfriend used to give me a hard time about writing checks at the grocery store. You don’t know her. She goes to another school.