The night before a good friend in her early 40s got married, she and I and another woman went to a favorite restaurant in New Orleans, then to see Cat Power in a small club. We got back to my friend’s house and were getting ready for bed and I said, “Hey, was that a bachelorette thing we just did?” She said, “Huh. I…

They are masters by this point. 

I believe that this would work, but reading the words “hot dog buns,” “melted ice cream,” and “(as long as it doesn’t have an onion topping)”straight up hurt my feelings.

A few years ago here in North Carolina, a woman got home from work after dark, got out of her car, and a rabid fox ran from underneath it and attacked her -- like Pennywise, is what I’m saying. She grabbed it by the tail, ripped it from her own leg, and beat it to death on the trunk of her car. She drove herself and…

I would like to have babby’s for taxes but don’t know how form.

I do exactly the same thing. You’ve described me completely, and now I feel weird to know there is another.

During the 2016 election, I posted one of my final paragraphs on Facebook, detailing (succinctly) how the religious sect into I was born, raised, and studied theology in seminary, began protesting slavery in 1688, and never stopped. Never stopped on human rights, women’s suffrage, prison reform, mass incarceration,…

Into that. Would also accept Steve.

What a rollercoaster this thread has been.

The whole recipe here upsets me. It isn’t government cheese! It’s Velveeta, which is made of rubber bands and food coloring, my god.

We boycotted the game (quit watching football completely a couple years ago) but around what he guessed would be halftime, my husband walked into my study and asked if I was going to watch the halftime show. I told him no, and he said, “So it’s across the board: a Big Boicott. A Travis boyScott.” I was like daaaaamn,…

What if he gets a third first name, tho. 

I’m only halfway through this, but it’s absolutely delightful. Thanks for posting it!

Or you could literally try *anything* else, anything that doesn’t add to the soul-crushing devolution of the whole of reality?

“You know what else would go great as a filling for this cake? Cyanide.”

Gracious, that was hair cylinder *journalism*. Thanks!

DRAKE?? Draaaaaaaaake?!?

Starred even though this doesn’t scan for shite when I sing it out loud. 

This will greatly increase his popularity, and not just among Americans. Heaven help us all.

HAIR TRANSPLANTS at the time, not rape! God have mercy. I know how that was done in 1992 -- exactly as in 1992 BCE.