As a lady who primarily orgasms from penetration and thus buys those sorts of toys, let me help!

No, shame is when you’re working on a group project in COLLEGE and your groupmates are talking about how we’ll all meet up “on-line” and discuss the details “on-line” and you look at them and with all seriousness ask “when , where and why are we all going to be standing on line together???”... That my friend is…

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK.

I am going to keep this one short and sweet.

I went to Richard Branson’s private safari reserve in South Africa and the employees told us a hilarious story about how the last time he was there, he got piss drunk and fell into a pond.

For some reason my brain mixed up the last two words in my head and I actually said “Snake cacks?” out loud.

It’s been a long week.

Parents are stupid. There is no way in hell a kid is eating goddamn falafel in a school lunchroom. He’s throwing that away and using the $5 he stole out of your purse to buy french fries and Little Debbie snack cakes.

I’d like to have a Steve Backshall and Bear Grylls sandwich, ifyaknowwhaddImean ...

Meh, I can’t do accents to save my life. I can’t even do a Portuguese accent and that’s half my family!

Can you try posting it in the comments section? Maybe that’s verboten, but I’d like to read it.

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This prank changes nothing about my opinion of him. Harmless. It just serves as a reminder that you can’t really believe anything on the internet.

Wikipedia says it’s her childhood dog (Iggy) and the street she grew up on (Azalea). I don’t think it has anything to do with Azealia Banks. That she used the ‘find your pornstar name’ formula for her stage name is pretty funny, though.

I honestly think a name like that is given to a child you really want to grow up to be a stripper. I mean, Crystal, Sapphire, Emerald, all the shiny rocks, make bad first names for your child.

I can’t unsee her as one of the White Girls.

...I don’t know which is worse...my head hurts.

Also, remember when people used to hold up lighters at concerts?

I still think about 20 years ago being more like 10 and I’m some saucy girl in my early 30s, not some saucy girl in her mid 40s. :O