“I did not see that coming.”

I don’t think this is that rare of a thing, actually. I watch a lot of Nationals games, and I think Jonathan Papelbon must do it too, as players instruct him to ‘get fucked’ all the time.

Next year, can we get Norm MacDonald to host the Deadspin Correspondents Dinner?

“We can’t go to North Carolina. They’re socially backwards and perverted for their stance on what goes on in the bathroom. Let’s go the Penn State.”

You miss 100% of the memes you don’t tweet.

I get not wanting to nibble on mediocrity, but I’d much rather nosh on adequacy than choke on greatness, assuming I can also sip on competence.

“Nah, we’re good.”

The Browns and the police do have one thing in common: A complete disregard for the lives of young black men.

If every cop gave $1 for every offensive thing they said about BLM we could finally make reparations

As for Crowell admitting he was wrong and acted out of rage — Loomis says, “You’re a grown ass man, and you claim you were too emotional to know it was wrong? Think we’ll accept your apology? Kiss my ass.”

If the Earth were round, Giancarlo Stanton’s dingers would go straight into outer space. Think about it, you guys.

“about damn time” -Steven Adams' testicles

Messi Hurt; Assaulted by Math

No way that’s Jeter’s lineup. It’s got the actress with the most range at short.

I totally underestimated Dana White. I thought his jeans would be bedazzled.

Searches: Most popular sex positions.

I imagine myself playing baseball. Puts me right to sleep.

You guys ever get some good small talk going with a genuine Old Person? They love that shit. And you usually walk away offended by the casual racism, yes - but also having gained a little something from the exchange.

If only there was some kind of convenient bed Murphy could have used.