Years ago, I told all the adults in my life that I do consumable Christmas. I only give food/drink. I know what my friends and family like, and can do all my shopping for adults in one trip to the liquor store, a grocery run, and a trip to the specialty candy store nearby. If they’re going to get me anything, I ask…

Pfft, you just believe that because you've been conditioned to.

It seems like the original I.P. isn't going to be available, so why not just make a film that is obviously referencing (but legally distinct from) Gilligan’s Island?

It almost would have been better if he hadn’t found that—for the readers, anyway. Then he would have MacGuyvered something using the junk laying around in a bank parking lot.

The scalpers are still assholes and deserve to be such with a ton of unsellable crap. But yeah, anyone paying that much for a freaking Starbucks mug is also an asshole and deserves to be ripped off.

He needed some attention and Facebook was down. He thought he could just make up some bullshit in real life like he does on social media.

The smaller Tootsie Pops, the ones that are the size of a regular lollipop, are fine.  I don't know why those are so rare and the giant ones are so common.  The big ones are the ones with a really rough exterior texture, and that take to damn long to eat, and have way too much Tootsie Roll in the middle.

I’m not going to say Miracle Whip is wrong and bad. If people out there like it, I have no problem with that. Everybody’s tastes are unique.

That’s what I'm hoping it's going on here.  Searches like that and perhaps more to the point, "why are Circus Peanuts?", and "what kind of sicko gives out Circus Peanuts?" could be driving those results.

I like these quite a bit, especially for fries.

You make a lot of unsupported assumptions here. Why do you just presume that Cuomo hasn’t harassed anyone else (only helped his brother try to cover up his harassment)? Why do you presume she wants him fired when she started that she doesn’t? Why are you so quick to believe the admitted harasser and condemn the victim?

KFC got rid of the potato wedges. That angered a lot of people and has widely been considered a bad move, to crib from Douglas Adams.

Speak for yourself. I’ve hated Martinet’s lazy, annoying stereotype Mario voice since I first heard it. It’s like Hank Azaria doing the pizza guy on The Simpsons, except without the self-awareness. The joke that Azaria’s making is about people like Martinet that pull that voice unironically.

‘promising food that “one can actually skate with”’

I never really eat at Wendy’s. Just gonna hijack the discussion to say that KFC getting rid of the potato wedges for exactly the same generic fries you can get anywhere was a terrible idea. I would occasionally make a trip to KFC just for those wedges... haven’t visited since they got rid of them.

Open-mouthed chewing unfortunately can affect an innocent person. I was out at lunch with some co-workers once, and one of them was an open-mouth chewer. He bit into something juicy (pepperonici?) and sprayed the entire table and my face with whatever it was he was eating mixed with spit.

“What if I told you could play the same games you played on your phone 5 years ago, but still tie up the TV so nobody else can use it? How much would you pay for such an amazing device? $200? $300?

These InstaTok memes are really getting out of hand. Say no to Wrong-Way Baghead Scootering, kids!

If the butcher chart tattoo was a human instead of a pig, like a helpful “if somehow me and a soccer team crash a plane into the Andes...” kind of thing, I’d think it was funny and original. As it is I think it’s pretty stupid (if you’re such a dedicated chef, why do you need permanent crib notes about the basics?),…

You don’t understand how hard it is to be a cop. There’s so much stress, and you have to make split-second decisions like “should I joyride in this stolen car and resist arrest?” We can’t have these heroes in blue second-guessing themselves just because they sometimes decide to commit crimes! Thin blue line!