After Musk is imprisoned for contempt of the SEC and manipulating stock prices, and Trump is imprisoned for... all the crimes, they can share a cell. The pitch:

I'm down with that, but nobody should pretend the two are equivalent.  Street racing is a much more aggressive form of self-centered reckless endangerment.

“desd

And Trump's failed casinos.  And his failed scam school.

I’ll be fine with the occasional mention:

Yeah, you’ve got to go 100mph to get up to the 75-80mph cruising speed!  Because... uh... nope, that makes zero sense. Or, to translate for you, that makes twenty-five sense.

Fuck your whataboutism. Just because you can _usually_ not kill someone doesn’t mean it’s ok to use public roads like your personal hot wheels track.

Wait, we're playing cards now?  Is this that Fizbin game I heard about?

I would get that. Hours are long on the campaign trail, and you don’t want the fried cheese gurgles in your stomach while trying to sound inspiring.

We did.

I’ll admit that I did take a picture of a menu once.

There’s nothing here saying he’s innocent, just not a liability.  The assault case apparently can’t be proven, and the creepy sexual behavior was not technically illegal, just gross. The show’s lawyers have decided they won’t have any repercussions from having Tyson involved.

Colbert is on the very short list of celebs I would actually be surprised to see embroiled in a scandal. Right next to Weird Al.

I cought the beginning of that LFH episode and thought the same thing. Batiste was charming and funny and seemed really comfortable as the host. I think he’s just not cut out for the Ed McMahon role the Late Show has him playing.

Saying “nuh-uh” is not an argument. Changing what I said completely and then claiming it is “correct” is not logic.

“Charging my client for each of the lies he told is overkill! Oh, also, he didn’t lie at all... That’s the ticket!”

He’s so good at throwing them that he defies the laws of physics! Try throwing a playing card straight ahead like he does in the comics and watch it flutter to the ground. If you want to throw a card more than a few inches, you have to spin it to stabilize it’s flight, but it's never drawn that way.

Watch out—if you keep talking like that (truthfully), Trump will send a bunch of fat dentists who think riding a Harley makes them tough to your house.

You have no actual knowledge of what happened to the lady burned by the McDonald’s coffee, do you?

Man, those Germans have a word for everything!