Came to report in after our first significant snow in Cleveland: My “touch to unlock” door handles didn’t work at all today. No gloves, dry hands, and still had to dig the fob out any time I wanted to unlock my Escape.

If it’s like the handles on my Escape, more fun than you know.

How the fuck are you groupthink motherfuckers even defining “racist” these days? Because just saying (or repeating) “nigger” doesn’t make anyone a racist. It may indicate that that person is insensitive, incendiary, depending on context even stupid,but it gives zero indication of whether they believe that one/some…

Why the fuck could no one else say that? That’s about the dumbest fucking thing I’ve heard in 2015. He _is_ fucking black. No one cares if he states it. No white people feel threatened by it. It’s a fucking fact, totally obvious to all but the actually blind.

Fine. He doesn’t give a shit, in the most uninteresting way possible. So don’t interview him for this feature, or if you do and it turns out this way, toss it because it sucks, don’t still publish it. You can’t tell me that this dreck was worthwhile.

His answers were horrible. Some meaningless, some just dull, some outright dumb, but none useful; I mean, ok, “Never buy a boat” is good advice, but we don’t need or want to hear it from the principle designer at Adobe when we’re expecting him to tell us about his job. The only interesting thing here is that an Adobe…

Who’s mad at fat people? No one, really, unless one is currently squishing them on a plane/subway/bus, etc, or otherwise causing problems due to their fatness. The self-loathing thing is what fat people tell themselves so they don’t go home and eat a bullet, but it’s like when your mom told you those kids picked on…

Nah, on anyone with a brain, fat shaming works. Ask the majority (not just the Gawker echo chamber) of former fat people why they lost weight. The top reason will be that they wanted better access to the opposite sex, or to better quality members of the opposite sex (or whatever...to the sex to which they want to have…

Nah, no one cares if someone with such a miserable personality and view of life has chosen “not to fuck anyone anymore.” NO ONE CARES ABOUT THAT.

Love your dream world.

Boom!

Boom!

Best answer.

Why in the god damned crapping christ would this be shared to Jalopnik? I mean, in the sidebar I could see it, but in the main list?

Mortadella has no place in any sentence which contains the word “decent” unless the word “decent” is preceded by words to the effect of “Mortadella is not even.”

Did you ever think about how Joe Camel would smell? All that smoking combined with all that fur...he’d never get the smell out.

Ladies and gentleman, go easy on him, his sense of humor was shot off in the war.

I always expect stories like Will R’s to end with “and I never drank again,” but they never do. I always wonder if the people who tell them have been tested for things like single-digit IQs, whatever the PC term for retardation is, things like that.

Right. I know you will. Because you’re a pussy. Are we going in circles here?

Maybe for a Nazi pussy. We have bigger numbers here in America, but don’t strain yourself. Let us know when you’re ready and we’ll ease you into it.