I’m sorry to have laughed out loud at your pain but this sentence:

:( sorry to hear that

I’ve recently had a conversation with my sons (3 & 4) that they’re not allowed to stick their fingers up each other’s bums.

Ha! My son is doing the Percy-pronounced-as-”pussy” thing right now. Waiting for him to shout it in public. He will. I know it :).

Bahahahaaaaaaa! I just spit my beer out laughing. The two strangest things I’ve said to my son are “Stop touching the cat’s butt!” and “Don’t put your tongue in the fan!” Your story wins.

OMG I LOVE IT. I never thought I’d be uncomfortable as a Mom as I’m much more of a free spirit than my mother. But my daughter who was 3 & 1/2 came out of the tub & was like “Mommy I found something!!!” I said “what?” Towel dry her off & she’s like pointing to her vagina, I said “yes, that’s your vagina, what did you…

I once laughed myself silly after, “It’s not a good idea to put stickers on your penis,” came out of my mouth. I was talking to a 3 yo at the time.

My friend constantly has to tell her three sons (all under 7 years old) to stop wrapping their penses around their forks while eating dinner.

I don’t think I’d be any good at that either. The machines intimidate me and I’d never understand what people are ordering.

When I managed a Borders we were also responsible for this small calendar kiosk on the other side of the shopping center. I was there covering someone’s lunch break and this crazed woman came over demanding why we had no bichon frise calendars. The dog calendar people were always the weirdest.

I’m pretty sure that he’s an Australian sheepdog who saved a faerie godmother from certain death and when she asked him how she could repay him he said, “Make me a human man.”

They never took a doggie bag home and they never touched Golem Jesus’s meal.

Relax, Natalie. People hate The Phantom Menace way more than they hate Garden State.

Anybody besides me remember when the 70s came back in the 90s briefly? It looked exactly like this. So this is basically the 90s version of the 70s come back to haunt us all.

This is why you do extensive research on who is going to tattoo you. Get to know the artist.

Dammit. We might as well just watch the whole, perfect thing.

I forgot about when she slept with Jordan! I feel like my heart was just broken all over again. How could you, Rayanne? Angela was a good friend to you! AND JORDAN COULDN’T EVEN READ!

I’m trying to become a stuffed crust pizza and I mentioned to my parents that I’m nervous about the timing of some upcoming family weddings, because if I am not drinking then people might get their hopes up that I am knocked up, and I wouldn’t want to make any family announcements till 3 months. My mom and dad laughed…