The facial was Pornhub worthy.

HIRE KEVIN COSTNER

Out of curiosity, why is it that most of the electric car concept drawings that we have seen up to this point look like oversized jellybeans? Make no mistake, I am 1000% behind eliminating, or at least limiting our need of fossil fuels, but the design of these vehicles looks like 1970’s drawings of futuristic flying…

Classic NHL.

His odds of eating the whole watermelon would have gone up dramatically had security not inexplicably confiscated these items so he could dice it into bite-sized chunks.

And in Boston, they could have used katanas, rusty meat cleavers and crossbows, if only the security at the Winter Classic didn’t confiscate them. Didn’t security know it was to protect against incidents just like this?

This is basically the entire combined arsenal of the Ninja Turtles.