Jaden Smith was having a bad day, I see.

I don't see a lot of blaming Jews. I'm disappointed.

Yep, I can see it now....

Whenever I see this guy's name all I think of is Engelbert Humperdinck. Or Prince Humperdink from Princess Bride. I really have no idea who Ansel Elgort is, other than some Bieber-looking dude who occasionally gets talked about on Jez.

That sounds very true and not at all made up! I can think of literally no complications that might arise in pregnancy or childbirth that are dangerous to the mother.

Here's the proud papa

Man having to wait till 11 is agonizing. How else am I going to get my morning cup of laughs, snark, no tipping-Illuminati, the customer is always right, I'M ALLERGIC TO RED, monogrammed thermos posts?

Eighth grade: my class is putting on some stupid play for our religion class and I'm doing the costumes because 1) I'm known for that kind of thing and 2) I'm not popular enough to be in the play, or have friends. While working in the "wings" (eh, poor school, shitty facilities), three classmates come back and decide…

One of my last semesters in college I had let my roommate talk me into renting an apartment at a really weird apartment complex in Austin called the Metropolis which was painted psychedelic colors and housed a lot of artistic and obviously drug friendly people. I was a middle class kid from a small town and a huge…

I don't know if this counts as a meltdown, but it involved crying. I was traveling through spain and to save money I stayed a couple of nights in a hostel, and I was in a dormitory with 6 other women.

This is a story of how one of the worst days of my life ended up reaffirming my faith in strangers and in the human race in general.

as a too-old-to-throw-tantrums child, 8 or 9, after a day hiking, Dad would not let me bring my walking stick home in the car. My filthy, rotting, branch I'd been using as a walking stick. Complete meltdown, screaming sobbing in the mud;

Good people are good people. It's okay to like good people of any gender, and in any context. Liking decent, funny folk is never wrong.

I have a really stupid Lhasa Apso that I spotted as I was driving by one of the chain pet stores. Three years ago I was on my way to Target, not planning on getting a dog, when I spotted him out of the corner of my eye. It was instant, I parked and ran up to him and just fell in love with him... He was a 5 year old…

If you get 9 in a row you get the 10th one free.

"J/K, J/K, get a job, you worthless welfare queen. Gawd, get off the government teat already, ya mooch."

MOST FUN I EVER HAD.

I want a bill which bans anyone who is not the person having an abortion from having any say about abortion legislation.

And then force them to carry and give birth to their dirty pointy stick splinter children, because that's what my religion tells me they should do.

"Well, sorry you got human trafficked and raped and got pregnant as a result, but congratulations! Here's some money for baby stuff!"