So that’s what happens when you fail a Wiggles audition.

The older I get, the more I realize adulthood is just middle school with taxes.

I mean, i’m sure jk’s got them taking magical, disappearing craps every 20 minutes.

So instead of Ant-Man going into his butt, the Avengers could have beaten Thanos just by exposing his corn hole to sunlight?

I’m rather glad they aren’t coming to my town. The last thing I need is a public masturbation arrest.

Honestly, it’s time. Elizabeth Warren needs her own in depth story. This is just the feminist blog to do so.

It’s always awkward when a guy from Michigan becomes a born-again Southern Rock icon.

I don’t support pete for president, but I do support him in a VP campaign. I want his earnest “I sure do love Jesus and I have the receipts” ass to get up on a stage and take a podium opposite Mike Pence. I want to watch Pence squirm trying to justify his fascism with bible verses while Mayor Pete fucking dunks on…

So is Barf Bag gone now? Did I miss an announcement or something?

I did a lab in college

I’m not taking a picture, but my senior year quote was “If I had the chance, I’d ask the world to dance.” Billy fucking Idol. And I graduated HS in 2003.

Triggered was surprisingly a well-written book. It was nuanced, and highly erudite, with some poignant, thought-provoking points— I’ve been informed that I’m actually reading the nutrition facts on the back of a salt shaker, my mistake.

She’s running.

...I imagine helping her up off the floor after a bout with a hammered Judi Dench....

I love the appreciation for Queen Helen but when I imagine running into her it’s usually at the local pub, drinking a pint and regaling the locals with funny stories about horrible actors she’s worked with. 

Get this guy a fuckin Puppers.

I prefer "person who can masturbate in any room in the house, except when the dog is watching."

I was ‘self-partnered’ throughout much of my teenage years, and while it was perfectly fine for my mental health my wrist joints sound like a cement mixer.

I got as far as “Emma Watson turning 30" and got too distracted by my joints creaking to read any farther.

Dare we dream they’ll play House of Pain during a party that humorously gets out of control?