I have a long standing dream of owning a farm with all pygmy animals...pygmy goats, pygmy horses, pygmy marmosets, micro pigs.......the list is endless and adorable. It, obviously, wouldn’t be a working farm.

Really, you went with Breathtaking? Okay. Wouldn’t be my choice of words, but sure.

I feel like I need a Jaden and Willow primer. I missed something along the way.....tell me everything. Do they go to school? Are they generally respected? Is the whole family avant-garde ( they seem like they would be more raised by Yoko Ono than by Will Smith). I want details!

I always thought it was a “ sorry, not sorry” emoticon

Don’t people like beer anymore? Beer is good.

Regarding living in San Francisco and having someone shit on your porch- Been there. Really makes you ask yourself what your values are, huh? Yep. *Sigh*

Aleve and then Vicodin. It’s a simple motto, but it is my motto

If you have nothing better to do than to fight a depressed woman and her brain damaged kangaroo who are both just trying to live their lives, well I don’t know. I think it means you are just a shitty person.

I don’t get it. I liked it enough, but I just didn’t get it. I’m just going go pour myself some tea and wait for the Grim Reaper.

Right?!

My boyfriend and I have an ongoing joke because I am always trying to make closets into legit rooms. I’ve also become obsessed with making sheds into “ backyard rooms” . I love being tucked away!

Okay, I am not usually given to such optimism ( maybe it’s because I just found 1/2 bottle of vodka, diet coke, swiss cheese and pretzels in the house we are 99% moved out of, which means I don’t have to leave to find dinner) but is it possible that the term “dad bod” and the associated bodies are so egregiously bad…

Plagiarizing seems like something that isn’t beyond the reach of a murderer

Funny, that is my exact beauty rountine

Exactly. It’s a running joke in my family that we have “ day” wine glasses and “ fancy” wine glasses. The joke being, ultimately it doesn’t matter we are going to use what ever is closest.

The absolute best the about the John Stamos selfie ( and I like the guy) is that living room. That is a living room I could have. John Stamos is in a living room I could afford. I feel irrationally comforted by this.

A couple of things. I would like to karate chop this lady in the throat. I do believe a persons quality of life is improved by sleep, water, good nutrition, ya da ya da; but to encourage people to ignore science in the face of a life threatening illness is criminal. I have never been so happy for poison to exist as…

Yeah. That was called Christmas 2005 at my house

Okay, here is my thing with burns....or snappy come backs, which they were once called. I cry. I cry when frustrated. I hate it. I’m quite sassy unless pissed off, then I cry. Ugh. Nobody knows how much I just burned in my head them, cause I am crying.

I get stuck on " the power of a doctor's note". Like it means anything other than saving someone from being sued. I guarantee you if I contacted my oncologist right now and asked for a letter clearing me to ride a giraffe to Detroit with 2 buckets of Ativan he would say something along the lines of "uh,…