the plague of my 21 year old life.

In reference to the first story: One has not known "social awkwardness" until one has encountered "redneck swingers".

I love how "Awesome pretzel bun" is in quotes.

Thanks, now I can't stop thinking about Vatican Women's Jail, with sadistic nun-wardens and the like.

I would refer everyone to Robert Anton Wilson's essay "I Am A No-Good Shit" which illuminates (ha-ha) why everyone is hard-wired to be racist. One is predisposed to dislike people who don't look like one's mommy and daddy because that was a necessary survival trait in prehistoric times. America's problem is that it's…

I have some issues with the term "ally". I think it would be a lot simpler to be "not a hateful, bigoted POS". Maybe it just reminds me of those weird moments when whites of my grandparents generation had to reference MLK everytime they talked to a black person.

the Oxford comma is not your friend.

so much win with the last story. I need to incorporate "happily cabbage patch into traffic with a sparkler up my ass" and "leaking canoe full of emulsified dick meats" into my everyday speech.

I don't think GWB was a bad guy, he just spent his entire time surrounded by sycophants, praying to Jesus to stay sober, and leaving the grown-up decisions to his dad's cronies.

it is exactly what you think it is.

real. so real. don't even get me started on Autistic Bowling Mondays.

nope.

the ones that stand out are: the cast of Riverdance showing up late on St. Patrick's Day pissed drunk, fighting and urinating in the corner of the lounge, a full-scale riot in the bowling alley, Drew Barrymore falling down the stairs of the Stick, plus the usual Detroit stuff.

the incident report log in that place is AMAZING.

Yuppers.

it is what you are thinking it is, trust me.

It gets better if you imagine the chef as John C. Reilly's Dr. Steve Brule, because that's who he essentially was.

I'm just going to leave this here.http://www.somethingawful.com/series/barkwir…