Clearly we need "Ask a Clean Person: How to Clean and Disinfect a Whole Goddamn Airplane Before Takeoff."
countessoblivious
countessoblivious
I had to do a midterm speech for my public speaking class in college. Prof was insane and literally allowed zero make ups for midterm and final speeches. I was crazy sick with some God awful stomach virus. I went anyway, not wanting to fail. I was the color gray, clammy and so sick feeling. I ended up barfing on my…
Once upon a time, I went to the shelter for a dog. Never had a cat, didn't like them, didn't want one. This one gave me sad eyes and I was her devoted cat slave for 12 years.
I mean, are you telling me, that all I have to do is go on the news and say some super hateful bullshit about how I won’t serve certain people at my place of business and people will just GIVE me 40K in five hours?!
America, you so great.
Is there like, a reason we don't let them secede? They keep trying to. If we let them they won't be our problem anymore.
Be dramatic all you want, that's effing ridiculous.
LA Area makeup nerds: There's a makeup store on Magnolia in Burbank called Besame that specializes in vintage-style makeup. You can get 20s-style cake mascara and all kinds of weird shit like "brightening violet powder." And they have classes!
"Mrs. Parker, I am bringing you in to discuss your daughter's illness."
And let's hear it for the ladies who say they'll reject anything less than two carats in a platinum setting! Yes, I have known one or two who said this openly. Would you be surprised to hear they were single?
Wait, these folks have a den AND a weight room, and neither of those rooms are actually in a converted garage, because they ALSO have a garage. How can they possibly argue about anything ever? If you aren't sharing less than 1000 square feet with your spouse, I'm not sure I really even consider you married in the…
Obviously, it's because of the Gay agenda. I'd tell y'all what it is, but I lost mine in the wash, and I gotta get my Gay Card renewed. Need to spend those Gay points.
They don't fuck because she has vowed to not have intercourse until she's in a committed relationship.
Blow jobs are a privilege not a right. I enjoy blowing my bf but he is one of those mid 30s inexperienced guys and had only been asked to perform on a lady a couple of times. In his defense he also tried to stop me when I went down on him when we were waiting for a meteor shower early in our relationship because he…
I met a guy via online dating (Yeah, I KNOW. Bear with me here.) We met, sort of hit it off, and hung out (fucked and went for dinner) a couple of times. It was okay.
I was late for French (2nd year college so everything was in French all the time), and said, upon entering class, "Pardonnez-moi! Beaucoup de traffique." Everyone nodded except the professor who laughed, and we all looked at her, frowning. She said, "En Francaise, 'traffique' est... drugs."
I understand.
Senior year of college, I lived in a house in St. Louis by myself (rent was low in University City back then). The department my major was in asked if a new teacher could stay with me for a few days while his new apartment was getting ready. Even after I said, "That's a bit inconvenient for me...and living with a…
My half sister is sweet but she is the center of the universe in her own little special ways. Don't get me wrong, she is older than me and I love her; I simply recognize that she is cluelessly self-involved, awkwardly less intelligent than the average bear, and completely without basic consideration for the lives of…
That sounds much closer to genius than dumb, but kids are amazing at that stuff.