Shit like this is why I bought a door handle with a lock and installed on my bedroom door when I was twelve. I bought it with my birthday money.

Beer facials are totally a thing though! I would go to a beer spa.

Your latte art sucks, bro.

I love that second gif. What a patient kitty!

A Thin Mint cocktail would be super easy. Chocolate liqueur, peppermint schnapps, vodka, milk or cream, and a crushed chocolate cookie rim for the glass (obviously).

Bahahahaha! That's amazing!

Was this your last boyfriend?

Nah, my boyfriend apparently tried masturbating with vapor rub when he was younger and burned the fuck out of his junk. 0/10, would not recommend.

Okay, I think I've conveyed my reaction appropriately through gifs...

...when you mistook Vick's VaporRub for lube?

I got a massive nosebleed during sex once. Like, a river of blood gushing down my face. My darling ex-husband, bless his heart, looked at me in sheer terror and said, while still thrusting, "oh my god, are you okay? Um, should I, um, should I stop?"

You think you're pleasant to be around.

I got the applause gif covered!

Oh my god, you weren't kidding...

I'm down! I'll bring the vodka.

Right! Champagne also makes a shitty molotov cocktail. FACT.

OMG that gif. Baby hippos are the cutest (before they become huge and murderous).

Right. I looooooooooooove good champagne, but I can't disinfect a cut with it. Nor does it make a good cocktail. Nor will it retain its original state after I open it once and leave the bottle rolling around on the floor of my car. #teamvodka