...I love my partner dearly, but he really wants to get into video game streaming on Twitch. I have several friends who are professional Twitch streamers, and I’ve cohosted and/or done some streams here and there mostly from knowing those people.

Applied for several jobs this afternoon after meeting with the coordinators very briefly in the morning. Went and did other stuff for the next three hours—began taxes, made phone calls, etc—and nothing popped up in my inbox. So at 3:30ish I unplugged from the internet in order to study for an hour, and when I go back,…

...Not even on the day after Halloween, when I’d combined too many substances. Yesterday I made the grave, grave mistake of drinking bourbon, and I’ve literally been in bed all day today except for the few times I was sick. I’m up to being able to sip water in small amounts and nibble at bread without nausea, but…

<kvetch>

UPDATE: my first test arrived much quicker than I thought it would, but I ended up at my brother’s house for dinner, and they smoke tons of pot here. So I will say no and go home sober and clear-headed and proud of myself ^_^

I sat down this morning to finish readings/work on my resume for the co-op program application which is due in a week. Ten minutes later I proceeded to get up, because I was gasping for air in between sobs and couldn’t stop shaking. This is my second anxiety attack in two weeks.

Vancouver band Good for Grapes are releasing their sophomore album, The Ropes, on Friday. It will be, in my opinion, the best album of the year; there is no question. The Beatles could rise from the dead/reform and release a sequel to Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band and I’d still probably still pick Good for…

Yesterday Corgiman and I went out on a lovely date, culminating in finishing the last few episodes of 30 Rock (I’d seen it many times, he hadn’t). And shortly thereafter, I burst into tears and couldn’t stop. Depending on whether and when I get an apartment offer, I may be moving in as little as seven fucking weeks.…

For something like the third time in a week and a half, I’m sitting in my office trying to cry as quietly as possible and fighting the urge to go home. Maybe I’ll take my laptop with me and work from bed. I don’t know. I can’t seem to stop crying, but I took a mental health day last week and I don’t want to start just…

Hey all. It’s been a while since I posted, and I’ve missed your faces. Sorry about the dropoff.

I stopped taking Abilify over the weekend, after tapering down for a few days. I feel really good, because now I have a goal that’s potentially attainable. My workouts weren’t in vain before, but they felt that way because I wasn’t getting the results I wanted; now I can start getting those results.

Today I beg my doctor to release me from Abilify’s spell. I’m telling him that the weight gain has caused me mental anguish and that I want to try life without it. I hope he listens, and I hope I can function without it.

I’m moving cities to go to school in September. CorgiMan just asked me about making plans in August and I was like “...I’m going to be gone by then” and it all hit me and now I really want to just physically grow roots into this apartment and never fucking leave. I hate that I can’t find a place yet. I have a tendency…

I’ve eaten out at restaurants a ton this week, and I brought my gym stuff so I could go after work, but I don’t really feel like it. Or, at least, I’d like to go home and take my makeup off first, and maybe go this evening.

First of all, I’ve made a doctor’s appointment for next week, so hopefully I’ll be off Abilify soon. For those who didn’t see, my therapist thinks that it caused my weight gain, which explains why I haven’t seen any changes despite going to the gym 3+ times a week. Right now Abilify is triggering some pretty awful…

I saw my therapist yesterday, and she agreed that I’ve developed some disordered eating. She was her usual compassionate self, which was very good because, as I’ve said here, I’ve felt like this is a huge horrible secret. It was so good to have my feelings validated, and to have someone professional acknowledge that…

So first of all, I fell off the weed wagon last night. We bought an eighth, got high, watched 30 Rock. Ate caramel corn and Skittles. I skipped ballet for it.

I feel like I accidentally swapped out my Ritalin for Ativan this morning, even though that’s impossible because the two bottles are nowhere near each other. I’m just distant and lightly woozy, and it is NOT very good for focusing, I’ll tell you that. Especially when I have to write nice things about Google+.

Drank too much gin last night. Feel like death warmed over. Nothing but mild nausea and lethargy from hell til breakfast.