You people make me understand the Marathon Bomber more with each post.

“That wasn’t a false alarm. It was the alternate alarm.” KellyAnne Conway

“My crowd was bigger than Obama’s in ‘09 if you take out the people who were at his inauguration illegally.” - Donald Trump

I can think of another new symbol that more accurately gauges fan interest

Or you’re at Arby’s

Someone please do a photoshop of a glory hole at Trump Grille with the Tiffany treatent: a ring of blue around it, etc.

“You know who else was ‘Man of the Year’?”
*Crowd Cheers*
“That’s right, a little man called Hitler!”
*Bass Slaps*
“I’m just sayin’, the trains ran on time, amirite?”
*Cheers*
*Double bass slap*
“But honestly, your children are going to die in a nuclear fire the likes of which you could never imagine. Just...The. Best.”
*Audi…

How about Mark Burnett stages the inauguration as a mashup of his programs? Trump is dropped into an actual shark tank that’s on a desert island and he screams until his voice is gone and we see if he’s a survivor.

Is it just me or does Trump’s wording sound like a Nigerian scam email?

But they are good catholics, pillars of....they killed the av kid!

Pretty wild that Stormfront can’t find a single fucking grammar nazi.

I’d be pissed too if it was intimated that my client hung out with a broken-down Highlander like Mario van Peebles, lesser Baldwin brother, and one-hit wonder-rapper Tone Loc.

Obviously it’s TJ Miller’s fault a bunch of old white guys beat him up.

He then went on to elaborate... “Why would I care about the election of someone with less power than me? I’m Nick fucking Saban dammit”

The guy on the right.

Drew’s dad?

They just don’t want this guy to be the only one associating football with plaque.

Ohhhh, Lord, THAT brings back memories. I worked for the circulation dept at a a local newspaper during a Snowpocalypse where we had over a foot of snow dumped on the city overnight. Cue the next morning, when even our municipal bus system wasn’t running (which almost NEVER happens) and people were calling in to…

Car should look like this.

What’s worse, Frank Thomas is going to be re-christened The Big Short.