Don’t you know that military honors, like Judaism, are inherited from the mother’s side?

Of course Eric’s and Donald’s scissor skills are better. Years of experience in cutting the heads, tails, and horns off of endangered African wildlife will do that to you.

He’s tried to make me geaux to rehab
I won’t geaux, geaux, geaux.

The good thing is they aren’t stuck with this failing business model for an entire season, they can choose a new one everyday!

Hopefully he will team up with Ted Cruz and his father, in some sort of LeBatard-esque right-wing news show. Rafael Cruz already has tremendous experience blowing left-wing minds.

Oddly enough, today one of my Facebook friends shared a photo of herself with Tiffany Trump at a Hardee’s in Bismarck, North Dakota.

Translating “I moved on her like a bitch” to “I moved on her like Condoleeza Rice” somehow makes it less nonsensical.

I’m guessing Skyline chili. 

Negative interest? What does he look like, a Japanese bank?

Look at the bright side, at least the high winds didn’t get anyone from Notre Dame killed this time.

So she’d already taken the Fifth!

I think there’s a real possibility that he did not, but then Tyson accused him of it and told him that people said he had, which flattered him so then he started telling people he did for ego reasons.

Joe Biden is the fucking man.

Sadly, he had no idea what to do when he reached third base

Not many people know this but Milwaukee actually comes from an old Ojibwe word meaning “Yeah, but what about Black on Black crime?”

That’s actually a good idea. I think I’ll give my uncle a broken up phone box as a birthday gift. It is a reminder of the times he laughed at our jokes while stabbing his ass with steroids.

Can we just put USC and Baylor in a third tier bowl game at the end of the year, with the losing program getting the death penalty?

Raising your arm over your head after the national anthem is totally disrespectful. As soon as I figure out who should be offended, I’ll update my post.

Eric Trump also tweeted a photo of his father from last nights rally.

WHY ISN’T YOUR HAND OVER YOUR HEART? DON’T YOU KNOW PEOPLE DIED FOR YOU TO BE ABLE TO COMPETE IN THE OLYMPICS? WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA SO MUCH? IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT HERE YOU SHOULD JUST LEAVE!!!111 AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH