No, I mean, why is there a building next to her?

See, my ovaries tell me I’m ready for kids then I read things like this and my brain says “maybe next year.”

He's hung like an elevator button.

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!!?!?! THAT IS SO HUGE AND MY EYES ARE BLEEDING!!!

Gwen Stefani’s Rejected Song Titles:

To be fair, I can’t imagine a more empowering way to wake up. In seconds that would transform me from bleary-eyed zombie groping my way to the bathroom sink to proud Master of the technological terror that is my Toyota, young Sith Padawans following in my majestic wake.

Sympathies. My children “sing” the first few bars of the Imperial March from the time they wake me up at 6 until they go to bed.

I have a daughter who turns five in two weeks, and this is how I feel:

So Kristen Stewart is....Taken?

Thighs on fleek.

“You’re not handsome, you’re not cool”

I find it delightful that she eats all that ridiculous shit, yet her name is Bacon.

Last night Sarandon was nominated for a SAG for her performance in The Secret Life of Marilyn Monroe;

Did you just see “DC suburb” and assume “well to-do?” Because uh, Columbia is...not that.

And this is the first time Wilde Lake has ever been described as “well-to-do” in the history of the Internet. Congrats.

I don’t understand this.

Unrelated:

lets do it