This the best thing ever written about anything.

Jeff Petry is is not only a pylon he’s also a FREE GIVEAWAY! d-man—long-suffering Habs fan reporting. #FireBergevin

Well said/written.

Too many movie metaphors when there exists plenty of actually hockey metaphors from the 70s-90s. But you’re a millennial and this is Deadspin, so good job-ish.

Ankle is the worst hockey injury (first-hand knowledge). And Fuck Burns, Karlsson is the best, no competition.

Same with the Victoria’s Secret “Angels”.

Gordie Howe would have dropped the gloves and busted some heads.

When the Preds win the Cup, and when it’s PK time with it this summer, he should parade it in a convertible up and down Rue Ste.-Catherine on a weekday...slowly...for eight hours.

True. (Habs fan, grew up in Flyer country in South Jersey, got slammed into the lockers, repeatedly, in high school when my beloved Habs stopped the stupid Bullies Cup string at two in 1976. Why Habs? Looong story.)

He’s come a long way from his Phatty Phil Leafs (sic) days. He’s a mole in the mold of Danny Gare. But if your moles score, best to give them the puck.

This comment is a touchdown.

Plus he’s just a goddamn good-looking man.

Yeah, Cole has become very, very useless.

Oh Bobby baby, I bet more than a third of the eyes are on you, sweetcheeks.

#RacismPlayedAsBigAPartInTheTradeAsNot StrictlyAdheringTo(Fired)CoachTherriensStupidCreativityStifling“System”

I’m old enough to remember Phil Jackson’s days as a Knick...man, ol double-edge had him some razor sharp elbows which he threw with abandon.

The axis extends now (for trapping teams, Ottawa isn’t the only one) because of the elimination of the two-line pass rule.

This is easy to breakdown: Before this season, Subban played for the Montreal Canadiens. Milbury played for and coached the Boston Bruins. In 2014, the Habs beat the President’s Trophy winning Bruins in 7 games, a series where Subban dominated play. Like all Bruins fans, ex-players, current players), Milbury hates the…

100% correct, Kara. Also, it wouldn’t surprise me at all if these not random people were coached ahead of time about the concept. This deceptive shit goes on all the time in my industry.

Thank you. Barry. He deserves all the good press he gets. He’s a born leader and should have been the Habs captain, but Michel Therrien (now fired) hated him. I will hate this trade and will keep wearing my PK Canadiens t-shirt for the rest of my life. Fire GM Bergevin, fire GM Bergevin, FIRE GM BERGEVIN.