It’s an ad. But of course you keep that out of the headline...GOTTA GET CLICK THROUGHS.

“Tangerine Crank” is an excellent band name.

A+ headline. Signed: The Best Fucking Ad Critic In The World.™

Mole Danny Gare was never there for his teammates.

And now, Betteman, move the team to Quebec City and rename them the Frozen Nights or whatever. Just fucking move them. Or the pathetic Coyotes, and rekindle what was easily the greatest sports rivalry of all time.

Like you actually know, LIttle Barry.

I have IBS, so I’m disqualifed from participating.

Prices’s glove save on Kopitar was better, but not as “spectacular”. At least, in my lowly opinion.

“The thinking goes, that since both of those numbers are, in the long run, largely a matter of luck...” Who’s doing the thinking? Because that statement is what makes the PDO mostly bullshit.

AND he’s a rightie. Yes!

Hey Jez: where’s that post about low Millennial turnout, much lower than 2012? Oh, right, that doesn’t fit your rigid editorial bent. This is your President, not THE BOO BOO BOOMERS.

It’s “every day”, you dumb fucking puke head.

I was drunk and wrong. Please forget I asked you to read me.

You’d say zilch to my face, you noodle-armed anon pussy because your mouth would be punched out the back of your skull.

This is me, I’m 6-2 175, 56 years old. iPhone is hiding 2 scars. Signed reprints available for all you noodle-armed all-talk schlubs.

Yes?....

I have no relatives, they’re all dead, asshole.

Wrote that way by editor directive. Awl readers know nothing about hockey. Also, I wrote about hockey for Awl 5-6 years ago, and for Deadspin during the Leitch years.

No, very drunk.

“The Longfellow of the Stretch Pass”?