God damn you’re a special kind of retarded.

Hey, I haven’t gotten my check from Soros for going to a rally and a march in 2017. I keep getting told that we’re getting paid for this stuff but haven’t seen anything in the mail yet. I’d love to set up direct deposit with someone in payroll but just can’t get a hold of anyone. Do you know who I should talk to about…

Some people fetishize politeness and their prefered image of what society should be, right down to this obsession with the tone of debate, while completely ignoring policy.

Sewing chaos in general may have been their goal...

It’s more fun to go off the side of the boat and then run and tell your friends to “come look, there’s a fish!” and then they run over and they look at your poo.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca liveson the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense! Why would a Wookiee, an 8-foot-tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of 2-foot-tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more…

Because going to an airplane bathroom is the easiest thing to do.

Those sisters are now suing the airline, saying they didn’t do anything wrong ...

The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a fart is a good guy with a fart.

When farting is outlawed, only outlaws will fart.

I hear about it every once in awhile...but if you’re thinking that’s some kind of groundbreaking news that would change opinion, you’re wrong.

Considering they are usually a #1 seed this hardly proves anything.

Just when you think Trump can’t get lower, he finds a way.

When is this fucker going to die so we can all dance on his grave???

So Goldman admits:

Considering the tax and infrastructure bills were designed to punish blue states and redirect money and industry to the GOP base, I’d say “Civil War 2: Electric Boogaloo” is well underway already.

Joke’s on her; LeBron doesn’t have to dribble.

That. Is. Perfect.