Oh, honey.

It's so cute when they're serious.

lol

Made you look again.

No. It's the fabulous costumes they get to wear.

Made you look.

Oh, hun.

Yes.

When my friends complain about life I make sure to mention my perfect spouse, perfect children, perfect job, all the money I'm making, and all the really great sex I'm having. Then I post pictures of the amazing gourmet meal I just whipped up between periods of being perfect.

Lol, you're the sort of douchebag who name drops the brand of gin you drink. I bet you're begging them to friend you.

Right.

Why in the fuck would your "most important stakeholders" give a damn about your relationship status?

Go to the wedding and have fun, then dump your boyfriend at your earliest convenience.

Do it.

Your friends sound pretty smart.

I'm sure you're a lovely person, but I would rather stab you in the face than play ice breaking games with you.

We rented an Elantra and put 2000 miles on it in a week.

Oh, one other thing: she doesn't know about you.

He's married and his wife just had a baby and you're someone he fucks when it's convenient for him. He tells you lies so you won't stop fucking him.

Touchy McTouchersons.