I was taking a shower and washing my butt, as you do, and pulled on something. Kept pulling. Started freaking the fuck out. Threw whatever it was against the wall and kept freaking out. Thought for sure I had some sort of intestinal worm. It was a rice noodle. That I pulled out of my butt.

“Walt, back dat ass up” - ANCIENT WISDOM FROM THE CRADLE OF CREATION

You know, I thought there were a surprising amount of African proverbs about wanting to bang Walt Whitman.

The problem with all of these is that they are actually Oscar Wilde quotes.

I mean, being shitty to costars is not excusable but all she said about Knocked Up was that having the male characters portrayed as fun and lovable despite being immature manchildren while the women telling them to grow up were portrayed as shrill not-fun harpies was “kind of sexist,” which is true. And then she said…

Yeah. I doubt Shonda specifically blacklisted her. I think word has just gotten around.

How is Rabbies Formed?

Or rabies. Or bubonic plague.

DO NOT KISS WILD ANIMALS YOU WILL GET RABBIES

Crazy Mariah?

If you have to ask if mountain lions are harmful to humans you should stay behind your keyboard.

I follow it this way:

I'll hold on to the belief that he won't remember this and enjoy the schadenfreude.

Hopefully her wound will be covered with Liberal Tears brand gauze.

It boggles the mind that with all of the other fucking things plagueing humanity that these dumbfucks could actually help out with, they decide to be as petty and cruel as they possibly can. Fuck every one of these self-righteous pieces of shit.

Jesus fucking Christ, I’m sick and fucking tired of hearing about republifucks removing health care in the name of “safety” when this all has been proven time and time again to be fucking FALSE. ENOUGH ALREADY! pretty please, with a fucking cherry on top? This is 2016 for fucks sake, why are these fucks dragging us…

I wonder where Rick Scott has hidden his horcruxes. We need to find them and stop him.

If I could I’d spoil the shit out of my dog & cat and buy that for them.

I’m with you. I get that hating on the Kardashians is supposed to show how intelligent you are or whatever, but frankly? Unless you actually have a reason to be talking about her (like, she ran over your handbag or something), trying to be bitchy to her for no good reason just makes you look sad and thirsty. So you…