Thanks. On certain Saturdays, I like pretending that I run a General Store in the ‘40s.

It’s metric, actually. Just as we have millimeter, centimeter, kilometer, and so forth, the prefix “fuck” is a unit of measure at the top of the scale, over “ass” and “butt”. So, as an example, we start with the suffix “ton”, and in order smallest to largest, we have:

This is the kind of heroism that literally every single American CEO should be capable of:

I’ve stopped caring about whether my GIF’s make sense or not.

I’m looking forward to when Chelsea runs out of friendly greetings and vaguely flirtatious nicknames (‘pretty lady’, ‘beauty’) and has to resort to foriegn words and overt sexual harrassment. (“Willkommen, honey drawers!”, “Hola, sugar tits!”)

YESSS! I am with you on this. There is definitely a saboteur on the inside and whoever it is is doing good works. Really good works. The BEST. Haha. Seriously though I hope it continues and it's enough to turn more people off.

Between this and the Trump/Pence logo, I am now convinced that there is a maybe not-so-small group of Republican operatives secretly trying to bring down Trump from the inside.

I’m Perd Hapley, and the thing you are about to read, is an article.

First draft:

She’s from Australia. I would fuck her. As I said she is from Australia and you have to think about what that means: she is Australian. I would, in fact, fuck her.

i hope they fell hard for each other, had a discussion about the media because it’s something real and how to keep their privacy, and then instead were like lol what if we just fuck w them.

To us it seems like it hurts his reputation, but for the average person who doesn't know who he is besides the guy who plays Loki, it's a way to get your real name out there. More people will want to interview him about the subject, as well.

I’m not sure if it’s fake or not, but I do know that every time they act lovey-dovey a little bit of Ryan dies

She is on point and angry. I like that about her.

I actually didn’t like her as much as a correspondent on the Daily Show as much as I like her with her own show. I think she’s way better on her own.

She would totally have used Yzma in kitten form for her avatar.

AH Eartha Kitt’s would have been incredible. She would have been all over everything.

I could see her maybe having had one for charity work. Her account would have only followed charities and not really any other celebrities. Or maybe one that her publicist had set up that only was used to promote her work and she never actually tweeted on. Either way, her feed would be very boring. Definitely would…

So good. Someone cleverer than I needs to do a 40's Hollywood account.

I don’t think Audrey Hepburn would have had a Twitter account. Now, Katharine Hepburn, she would have been excellent on Twitter.