Well thanks for backing out of the deal Harley. Congrats on knocking out the livewire's competition. The Alta was sacrificed on the altar of baby boomer mediocrity. Can't wait to see Harley turn to ash when all their octogenarians customers die.

I’ll pass on calling dibs. Few things are more humiliating than being underwater on a Hyundai.

I like the idea of a burnout contest. I like burnouts, but there’s a time and a place and it’s not on a public road. Disperse the crowds hanging out near the exits and move them to a dedicated, safe burnout pad.

Tough? Dependable? Roomy? Looks good with a patina?

i thought all these illegal driving stunts took place in “Mexico”

They should be arrested for filming in portrait mode....

It’s not my fault the auto industry has stripped me of my optimism.

I missed the part where it’s going to be an active lifestyle crossover with an available EV version.

David Tracy wins this one, hands down. A nicely-restored Willys Wagon is a perfect medium for advertising — enough real estate on the body to get your message seen, but not distract from the iconic look of the Willys. And what better way to advertise a remodeling business than on a remodeled wagon?

Former Green Beret Highly Skilled at Difficult Extractions

I mean, if you were getting (semi-)paid for this shit, wouldn’t you?

I wish I got paid to write stories about the time I had to replace a radiator and assorted hoses in a Dodge Neon after a raccoon chewed through it, or helping my future sister-in-law nurse an ‘89 Geo Metro, which had a broken clutch and occasionally…

“Missed” implies I didn’t see it.

The thing you need to understand about David is, he’s just... wired differently. He lives for these quests.

Oh, this is going to be fantastic. 

Random selection?

They’re paid shit for the job. Consequently, all the people willing to take the job are shitty people who suck and life and take it out on you.

I had a really weird experience the last time I was selected for random screening. I knew what to expect so when she went into her verbal spiel, I waived the preview and said she could just get started. And she got SUPER PISSED at me. I got pissed because it was 4:45 AM and I had an unreasonable bitch snarling in my…

I think we’re far closer to solving nuclear fusion than convincing Karens to use the correct lane. 

Our highways aren’t designed generally to the standard the autobahn is.