“Caitlyn also claims she believes Robert represented Simpson because he was jealous that Kris married Bruce. “I wonder if it was his way of saying to her what I think she was saying to him when she married me: a big f—k you,” 

Seattleite here. Super proud to have Murray as the mayor, really hope the allegations against him are false. Really a terrible situation though.

I’d put $5 on moderate to severe dyslexia, myself...

The Trump cannot read conspiracy* may be the best thing that Sam Bee has done. And that is one high fucking bar.

Do you want terrorists? This is how you get terrorists.

Edit for clarity: by kicking out CHILDREN who have nowhere to go and lose all hope.

My toddler could not sit still for a diaper change at around 1 year old. One time I was desperate to distract her and I randomly started singing “Spice Up Your Life” and she focused so intently. That worked for weeks.

Two words: Caspar Babypants (the current stage name of the dude who was the lead singer of the Presidents of the United States of America) . Non-saccharine versions of classic kids songs, original kid songs, and two albums of Beatles covers. My kid’s favorite song is Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da. A wave of pride washes over me…

“Oh, You Can’t Get to Heaven on Roller Skates” was our go-to. This is fun, because when your are more awake and less desperate, you can make up funny verses, and when the spit-up hits the fan, you can go with the old reliables. Here’s one of our favorite new ones:

Have you had cake? Or pie? Do you consume enough baked goods?

R u sure? Have you tried having sex with a cake? That’s what he’s advocating as a replacement for same sex relations right?

Kind of falls down when the world’s most famous bakery show is/was hosted by a lesbian.

My daughter went through a phase where she would ask me to sing her a song I made up every single night, and it had to be a new song. I think I sang a song about every single item in her room; also all the farm animals and ocean animals. It finally ended when I sang “Mommy has no more songs to give” and she said…

Fuck. An Israeli kid.

The first time I ever noticed him was in that Star Trek movie and I swear, I immediately wanted a Sulu spinoff! *fans self

That show went downhill after they killed him off. And also sidelined the main character for some dopey romance with a boring witch. Actually it had a lot of flaws but JOHN CHO

Yes, but.... Billy Eichner’s boyfriend? Ugh. Ugh, ugh.

If this investigation doesn’t lead to trump being impeached, the little faith I have in our democracy will be completely dead.

Because of my newly rejuvenated crush on Al Franken, just last night I was watching a clip from when he was on Letterman in about 1995, I think. Deion Sanders was on SNL and Al had written a skit for him as real-life Deion, including his wife and two kids. Deion went to him and said he couldn’t do it, because as a new…