Also:

Just recast Sarah Chalke as Samantha.

I wish it had been an Always Sunny Dick Towel!

i wanna be a tipsy outsider when i grow up.

I’m not blind. I know clicks = cash. That doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate a heartwarming article. Which is why I stand by my original comment(s).

It reminds me of that In Living Color sketch with the white news reporters who suddenly turn on accents when pronouncing latinx names.

“They have a young audience and a terrific digital platform,” said David Pecker, AMI’s chief executive, said of Us in an interview.

One of Mimi’s kids is named Monroe? This guy?

Author’s Note: If you’re wondering whether or not Jezebel will be updating you with every piece of news about I, Tonya between now and its 2018 release, please rest assured that the answer is yes.

Whenever I see “Disick” I imagine Snoop Dogg saying “dick.”

Scott’s muse:

My first big time celebrity crush was Ewan in Moulin Rouge. It has never faded and I am so proud of my woke bae.

Gonna walk out on a limb here and say that Olivia Munn liking Instagrams that explicitly diss the Rodgers family isn’t shade.

Doesn’t he deserve to be an adjective by now? I think he’s earned it. :)

The PEEOTUS thinks he is a shaft of gold emerging from the dark, but he’s really just pitiful dripping yellow, with a heart as little as his hands.

Taffeta, sweetheart?

Taffeta, darling....it wrinkles so easily.