I realize the cool thing to do here is to talk about how unattractive they are, but fuck it. Skinny lopey dudes who sound good doing Shakespeare is apparently my Kryptonite.

unsolicited photographs of him and a certain someone

I looked at Tom first and then Benedict and got so fucking freaked out. He looks as if Tom’s face was stretched. He’s like a Snapchat filter.

Hiddleston is really too old for his recent behavior. He’s acting like an 18-year-old kid who just got famous. Dude, act like you’ve lived long enough and have witnessed enough to have learned better.

You gotta give Benedict Bandersnatch credit for not having a bizarre tabloid PR business transaction dealy.

Don’t forget they both come from the exact same ultra privileged background, attending Briton’s most prestigious public schools. (Read Ivy League private schools if you’re an American.) Harrow for Cumberbatch and Eaton for Hiddleston.

Hiddleston and Cumberbatch are friends in real life, both are the obsessive love interests of Tumblr, both move back and forth from film to television seamlessly (even on the same series, The Hollow Crown), both play villains in the Marvel movie franchise, both have last names that sound like they could be quaint…

Everytime I see Benedict Cumberbatch I’m always mildly comforted, because I know that his family didn’t rape any of their slaves. I know this, because black people genes would have fixed the situation that is his face.

I read this statistic and it made me want to vomit: If someone gave you a billion dollars and you spent $1,000 each day, you would be spending for about 2,740 years before you went broke.

That photo shoot is patently ridiculous but it’s going to fuel so much masturbation.

This white bread sandwich looks delicious. 10/10 would eat.

I’m pretty sure Tom Hiddleston is the only one who plays a villain in the MCU.

babe, it’s called nouveau riche

All the money in the world, and your house looks like a caricature of nouveau riche.

This kind of shit makes my class envy boil up into something ugly. I think: I’m busting my ass, supporting adult parents, and living in a studio. And then I think: billions of people are busting their ass harder than you and definitely don’t have it half as good, so STFU self.

My two favorite parts are:

I had to check out the kitchen and I think my eyes started bleeding.

Oh my God.

i would take the turkish bathhouse- no thank you on that horrific kitchen tho

This house is bonkers and butt-ugly but I would live in that Turkish bathroom no question.