You're married, so it's both of your money. By "give" do you mean allot out of the household budget, or refuses to give you cash and doesn't allow you to have a debit card?

Hard indeed.

Evil genius.

"an absolute crapload of Frozen paraphernalia" describes my living room floor right now.

Keep it in your car. If he gives you something, be like, crap, I left yours outside, hold on. If he gives you nothing, keep what you bought him, and try to figure out if you want to stay with someone who has other priorities (his kids)* and doesn't want to invest in a small Christmas gift for the person he's seeing.…

Lord, this sounds so familiar. My father starts every morning by reading the worst, most depressing crime stories from the paper out loud so everyone can be forever reminded that the world is scary and unsafe and it goes on from there with the constant negativity about everyone they know. Plus that whole needing to…

May I suggest the gift of time? Or an offer to clean something that doesn't involve throwing anything away, like, surprise, I'm going to do all you laundry and put it away. I would also not give cleaning products. Much like workout clothes for the overweight person in your life, it shouts "you are a flawed and bad…

*cackles*

....short of not bending to the will of fucking North Korea, this is a pretty good response.

Don't the juice cleanse people also argue that it floods all their poor deprived cells with nutrients all at once?

Hmm. Perhaps the deformity she is researching is a way to process and let go of the false pregnancy? Like deep down she knows the docs are right, so she's inventing a problem that lets the baby never be born? Sad stuff.

A scarf from H&M. If she doesn't like it, I don't care.

"What's popular with kids right now? Cell phones? Let's ban it!" Every school ever on every thing that kids are into that don't fucking matter because "distraction."

Gross. I hpoe she sues if she can, assuming the rumor is true.

Hey why not? Modern churches already look like business parks, and want your money like a business, so why not make a merger? How about turning them into malls with worship halls instead of theaters. Money changers instead of atms. Keep up with the times!

"Well, goddamn, Myrtle."

Or that time when my new friend invited me to have dinner with her and her husband. I realize now that it was out of character for her to do anything formal, but she wanted to have a special dinner. I'm a vegetarian, which isn't a big deal. I quietly eat sides and drink and I'm happy. She asked me what part I wanted…

That one where my felon relative had a mental breakdown and I got scared of where the day was headed, grabbed my keys and hunkered down at Starbucks till everyone was calm again. Ah, the holidays. Let's visit all time.

Way to stand up for justice, dude.

That guy who didn't know how to use chopsticks, and began to shovel his noodles onto them with his bare hand, when asking for a goddamn fork would have been just as easy. Then later, when he poured fucking Welch's grape juice into his "vino." Gah.