Baaaaahrry Bonds

But surely you can fathom that most other people don’t have hundred-mile driving days on any sort of regular basis, right?

That’s why they had Safire rewrite the thing

He's short, so blackouts due to blood flowing to the legs are less of an issue.

I think it depends on a whole bunch of factors. How is your relationship with your parents? Is one of your parents acknowledged scum? How are we using the term “adultery” with regard to partners (i.e. married only, or does this include cheating in any semiformal relationship)?

I hear William Storey, formerly of Rich Energy, is looking for a new sports venture to launder money through...

Goop. Jade vagina eggs. Bathing in virgins’ blood to preserve eternal youth. Vaginal steaming. Auditing. Faith healing.

Kiss his feet, not eat his feet. No meat-dairy or cannibalism problems

0 x infinity = 0.

It says she recognized the woman when she walked into the Applebees “from the surveillance videos.” I presume she was able to review footage from the original gas station/convenience store.

“Our car is called the Jhsagcwskgakb2;gPP(p’kang!). It means ‘Amazing Driving Machine’. Like, not in any ‘language’ or anything...”

I understand that this is satisfying on many levels. It’s also an incredibly great way to get shot in the face by the thieves or arrested when a cop pulls you over. “No officer, that crackpipe belongs to the woman who stole this car that I just swiped back. She’s at that Applebee’s down the street- just go ask her!”

He did 18 months for tax evasion, didn't he? 

Can’t afford soap for the kids in the camps tho...

Congratulations, sir. You have (thusfar) won the game of IDOT/DSS Roulette. I express preemptive sympathy for your inevitable 3-tire blowout now that you have publicly thumbed your nose at the Northern Illinois Pothole Gods.

If you want to get pedantic about it (and I do!) all passed balls are on the catcher. That’s part of the definition- a ball the catcher should have been able to control it and didn’t. Otherwise, it’s a wild pitch. It’s completely subjective, but who doesn’t love a pretend stat?

Actually a pretty good breakdown about this issue from when Jimmy Graham tried it the other way around (grieved that he was really a wide receiver for franchise tag purposes):

I would have gone with “small town in England.”

Can someone even explain the benefits of not signing Clowney to a long term deal?

The dealer was immediately hired by Rob Pelinka as a salary cap specialist