What, do you eat like an animal? It’s pretty easy not to spill chili dogs on your shirt.

At the Reds game you’re eating coneys, so no fork required.

Well WHO NEEDS THEM ANYWAY

I suppose you have a point there.

Look I know it’s fun to shit on chili and all but you’re really putting cities like Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Columbus, and Detroit ahead of it?

Only if it’s a foul bat. If it’s a homerun bat or a big milestone then I’d say you can hold onto it.

I could be wrong, but his first lift he isn’t technically on the rubber, so it may not count as starting his delivery.

Yes

It’s funny, my friend who complains the loudest about how women’s basketball is boring is a woman.

What’s with the w’s man?

There’s not being able to afford a game, and then there’s stealing it. If you can’t afford something, don’t buy it, or wait for it to go on sale. It’s sucky that you can’t play it right away, but don’t sit there and tell me that being low on funds is an excuse to steal a game.

I was on a trip with a friend recently who uses “tweet at” for every form of communication. He kept saying “I tweeted at you” when he sent me a text, and we’d have to go through a conversation of “I don’t use twitter.” “No, I mean I sent you a text.” “THEN SAY THAT.”

I mean, I see the point, but like John Oliver said: this isn’t an opera. Now, if I paid for premium seating, do I want the shirtless screaming dude next to me? Hell no, I wouldn’t want him next to me at all. However, I don’t think your average fan is acting like that, especially in those seats.

Woodwork!

It’s funny to me that this is their main argument. “But there’s poop in the bowl! You might touch it!”

I’m a man (I guess this matters) and I cannot FATHOM standing up to wipe. To me, your cheeks squish everything together when you stand up.

HOW DOES THIS PROTECT MY MOUTH FROM THE POOP.

Because BUTTS are where the POOP IS FROM.

You can’t give hilariously hilarious succinct answers to questions for most of these, and then give a “Yes and no...” (ELLIPSES INCLUDED) for another. You’re making my head hurt.