It’s a better car than a 500E. The 500E was a piece of shit anyway, and a modern V6 Camry would smoke it. Yeah yeah yeah, “Porsche put the motor in it, hurr derr.” So fucking what? It’s a strut-suspended autotragic German pile of misery that costs a fortune to keep running and is less fast than basically any…

Dear Ferrari,

Well, you’re half right. 

Also, you can get a Boxster with an underpowered flat 6 with an IMS failure in its future. 

True.

If you only want a car until it’s 65K miles old, you might actually do OK with a Boxster. I sure wouldn’t keep one beyond that threshold, though.

I find an Optima more interesting, myself. I see an RS6, first thing I think of is that joke about porcupines. 

You had me at mechanical gauges. 

Eh, I don’t really buy that. You can get performance without the attention, or at least without nearly as much of it. In fact, if most of the people who bought these things really cared about performance above all else, they would be driving something else, because you can get the performance for less.

What I think is more important that what other people think, and I think cars like this are embarrassing. They scream for attention, and I tend to not think highly of people who desire lots of attention.

If that were true, the author of this article wouldn’t have had people staring at him constantly while he was driving this thing.

I imagine its embarrassing as all fuck. I’d rather walk around all day not knowing my zipper was down than be seen in one of these ego-enhancers. 

Except it’s not better in any measurable way. And no, it does not out handle a Miata. And reliable “for a Porsche” isn’t the same thing as reliable. 

Goddamnit, thieves. You need to step up your tastes and start stealing more from rich people. 

The Boxster is less reliable, bigger and heavier, uses an inferior strut-based suspension at all four corners, has a really crappy shifter, is more expensive to own, and holds its value like a used Big Mac.

Hell, this thing isn’t really all that much faster than an IS350, and you can pick one of those up used for $9 grand these days. 

I’m not paying $66 grand for a used Volkswagen. Pipe. 

Worth it. That shit is gorgeous. 

I like these cars, and always preferred the way they drove over its kraut-burning competitors. Double wishbone suspension at all four corners, inline six, reasonable dimensions and weight, RWD? Yeah, that’s a good recipe. 

Yeah, I don’t think it’s working. I asked one of them, and he called it the car of his dreams.