Yeah, but it’s harder to name another country as the capital of your state.

And here I thought it was Phoenix - where everyone in Montana moves too once they can.

and putting bacon on a burger is most definitely a waste.

“Oh yeah, I’m sick AF, but I make sure I keep my eyeliner game tight.”

No judgement from me - I actually like mustard a lot. Not... “I WANT A SACK OF MUSTARD WITH CHEESEBURGER BITS FLOATING IN IT” amounts, but...

Oh my god, I never expected to find one of my coworkers here on AV Club! TBH, I’ve really fucking had it with Matt’s martyr complex, in addition to his passive aggressive, “Well, if no one else is going to do MY job, I guess I will,” emails.

Seriously. I’m not about to have everyone accuse my significant other of robbing the cradle every time we go out together, and I don’t WANT to appeal to anyone that actually likes mustaches-sans-beard (disgusting).

I am reminded of Pinkham’s “Mustard War” entry, for “Off the Menu”.

SERIOUSLY. She didn’t even sink a SINGLE car! It’s like she’s not even trying.

He DOES have some skin in the game, and it IS extra crispy! But he’s also really over-selling himself. I mean - we’re talking 6 herbs and spices, 7 MAX. He’s going around telling everybody there’s 11. STFU, Colonel Blanders, you aint foolin’ anyone.

You may have, but that’s just because our interior decorator is currently into some weird shit.  They tried to tell us it was a play on both rope bondage and 70's pop art, but really, I think they just found some velvet rope somewhere and had no where else to put it.

You don’t need an invitation, we’re not vampires! 

If anybody in real life ever found themselves at the receiving end of that cackle - I promise you that your death would be slow and painful. I had never before heard myself produce such a hateful sound.

You know, I was starting to wonder why our greatest fried chicken critics were not so big on the Popeyes chicken sandwich, and then I realized that the Colonel MIGHT have some skin in this game!  I’m starting to think that I can’t trust our experts!

You’re right - but your prescriptive demarcation of “words that start with “G-I-F” is so narrow as to make the results effectively useless. So - congratulations, you win all the money we placed on this bet, which in this case, is absolutely nothing. Enjoy it!

MAYOR BLOOMBERG MEMEBALLS!

“Gin” would like a word with you.

It’s okay to think it’s weird, but for most people, the fear of clowns is closer to what XPDNC was talking about. It actually has more to do with the conflicting information between the makeup on the face and the actual human face (that is still visible) beneath it. For instance, you can be wearing SUPER HAPPY CLOWN…

Fried chicken and donuts - seems like a real missed opportunity to drop in some Black Dynamite!

Ahhh, yes. That great Confederate stronghold, Michigan. I’ll never in my goddamn life understand why I see “rebel” flags on so many trucks/homes in rural parts of northern states. I get it, it’s cool to be a rebel - but that shit isn’t your “heritage” and even if it were, the rebels were the fucking losers. People so…