“...as white as the whitest thing you can think of right now—a fresh Google doc page, the Chainsmokers, a gentrifier wearing Lululemon while dabbing and eating an avocado.”

See, this is why it’s confusing to have The AV Club sharing space around here — my brain immediately translated that headline as “satire piece cross-posted from The Onion.”

You are correct. No thank you, rainfall bullshit, I want PRESSURE. Or at least some pressure. Also, my whole showerhead thing just rests in a little holder dealio and is attached via the long metal hose thing, which means I can pull it down and use it to rinse down the entire shower or tub. NON-NEGOTIABLE.

It SO is! And I love that this one has a durable thick glossy lacquer finish on it — if/when I get tired of it in the dining room, it’ll make a fantastic desk or work table!

I have the bigger version of this 30 x 30 table ($300), and the photos on that site do not do it justice. It is GLORIOUS, and I can’t believe the damn thing was so cheap. (Mine was like ... six hundred?)

So now he’s got a brunette Gwyneth with a slightly larger vocab? Cool cool cool.

Doublethink is forever.

Love the gunmetal, love the pewtery studs, but anything between my toes is a big old NOOOOOOOOPE. Ugh, ugh.

EXCELLENT.

And that’s why it’s SUCH a great word. You can furtively cast shade AND look like An Intellectual!

“Floridly psychotic” is maybe my new favorite phrase now. Can we do more of these and make them a thing? Ostentatiously eccentric? Magniloquently bananas?

AHHHHHH, I LOVE THIIIIS!

I love chalky pastels but they’re SOOO HAAAARD. :( Tho every once in a while I do my trusty Wet N Wild white and then a contrasting glitter on the tips, which is super fun (and glitter topper helps disguise the streaks...)

WOO, NAILZ! Mine are sorta marigold sparklebomb with an extra-shimmery top coat, huzzah. They’re way summery/sunny, unlike our weather which is currently “about to storm like a mofo.”

CHEVEUXLET.

I think he just name-checked her because all he really knows about her is “very rich person who was famously super into fashion shit.” Either that, or he’s much more historically savvy than I’m assuming, and this is Shade. (Kara?)

The Battle of Helm’s Deep in LotR/The Two Towers supposedly took a month of day shoots, and three months of night shoots.

SHIT YEAH MAN, TEAM DINOPLATZ. Ugh, I love it so much — and so glad you do too! <3

Ha, NICE! Mine does a “beeeeeep”when it’s ready and then “pop-zap” when you press the button, plus the constant low “zzhhhoooooooooo” in the background. The only downside is that after a dozen zaps, the treatment window gets hot enough that it’s uncomfortable to hold against your skin for long. But still, toooootally…

Oof, salad dressing is one of those things where I’m always like “WING IT” — and also this was just for two salads, annnnd I tend to use less rather than more dressing. BUT, I think it was a nugget of fresh ginger a little smaller than a matchbox (it’s a LOT of ginger - I love it but you can use less if this isn’t…