Just wanted to say I'm not going to bother reading this. Draper already wrote this piece, the template for which was probably all ready to go before the match ever kicked off. We know the US isn't very good. We get it. Us wanting them to win and accomplish something memorable isn't us mistaking them for a competitive…

Yao was good. He really was, and he did justice to going number one. He was damn skilled and very sound and reliable on the block, and money at the line, always reminding us that there's no excuse to suck from the line.

1) I wish my name were Pauline Puel.
2) I wish I could play a spirited game of futbol up in the Alps or wherever the hell this is.

An important message, though one I’m still slightly ambivalent about. I’ve no doubt this guy is an intellectual and spiritual tyrant. A small crowd of women didn’t get together and randomly conspire against him. Yes, the method of making this known matters, but I still feel like it’s secondary to announcing from the…

LOL'd heartily at the office. Thanks.

“Pretty low ball?" Huge underestimation, considering what altitude does to intestinal functions. My hunch is on any given flight there is a dense fart fog in the cockpit. When I flew in the military we had a shorthand term for "I farted and you're about to inhale a week's worth of fecal impacted chow hall food." It…

I'm sure there's a perfectly legitimate reason for it, but why the hell don't you write more?

Also he very sloppily exposes the ball when crossing over and driving left, which he does every single time.

He’s that guy. We've all played pickup with that guy.

I hate you.

Not the first time I’ve come across this novel, “counterintuitive...whoa” Peter Singer line of argument. It’s little more than privileged mental masturbation. As you rightly point out, there is no mutual exclusivity whatsoever between being concerned with larger, global crises, and worrying about the suffering of a…

Guys, guys guys. Slow down. Pittsburg, Kansas. Go Gorillas go!

It does make sense, that a guy who is unabashedly in a profession for the money, would objectively suck at said profession. He's even bad in the trailer, which is saying something, considering they're manicured for the express enticement of the audience.

Ah the old standby, “never put his hand in the dirt argument.” I foresee a bro night on the town...Sherman (or Sherm, as they call him), Mike Golic, Mark Schlereth, maybe Trent Dilfer, throw in Peter King to complete the entourage, as the friend nobody really likes but feel kinda bad for.

Best I got:

That face you make when you hear Reggie Miller talking about basketball.

Rico Gathers would be the biggest baddest D-End in the NFL right now. No thanks.

This take is not “scorching." It's stating the obvious.

Jesus how much tragedy can one team withstand.

“If I can't fuck her, no one else can...at least at not until I say so."