Assuming one is nearby, airport lounge bartender seems like it would be a pretty sweet retirement gig. Not quite serving, but you could probably get day shifts pretty reliably.

If I had his legs, I’d 100% wear those shorts.

I have no shame. I have no dignity. And I also know I could not eat 13 lbs of anything in one sitting. Much less 9 minutes.

I’d argue it at least partly has to do with how many calories are in one bowl of the soup. If you serve soup that’s 500+ calories per bowl, I’m more likely to consider that a meal than if it’s less than 100 calories.

Why are all birds such assholes?

At a restaurant that says it serves barbecue, everything.

Also a good option. 

It’s an objective fact that most birds are assholes. I reserve most of my hate for Canada geese, but be proud of how much you hate chickens.

Maybe I need to keep trying, but our first attempts at grocery delivery really didn’t go great. We got a bag of onions instead of a single onion, for example. I still haven’t used them all, so I guess it’s time to make a mega-batch of caramelized onions?

In that case, why not just pour Karo syrup on your barbecue?

Honestly, it’s right up there with tomato past in a tube. Or the reverse sear.

“Our pulled pork is cooked in the finest Craigslist-sourced industrial pressure cooker, then mixed with a proprietary blend of generic seasoning salt and way-too-sweet barbecue sauce. Scooped onto a mostly stale bun, it only costs $11.99.”

If anyone’s reading this and wondering if it really makes that big of a difference, just give it a try. It’s one of those tips I kick myself for not trying earlier.

As cynical as it sounds, I wouldn’t be surprised if colleges are worried alumni donations would dry up.

I swear some fraternities are actively trying to get the Greek system shut down.

At the same time, be careful taking them at their word that they can’t afford to do things and need you to cover more than roughly 50% of expenses. Maybe they legitimately can’t, but it sucks to find out you’ve been paying more so they can buy clothes and coffees for themselves, go out with their friends, etc.

Honestly, I’m OK with craft lagers not being super common. I partly blame my head injury for limiting my ability to taste, but even an objectively great pilsner such as Creature Comforts Bibo pretty much tastes like Budweiser to me.

Maybe this time, I’ll actually get to eat one.

Chips >>>>> Spears

One day, I will throw common sense to the wind and buy one of these fancy Sebrings. But that day is not today.