Seriously. “Financial experts” who were born well-off and who can’t understand why everyone else doesn’t just do what they do can go kick rocks. 

Were there also dirty, possibly malnourished cats involved?

She was almost definitely on meth. Smoked so much weed, she regularly hotboxed the entire house (which was mostly a problem because I worked from home and couldn’t afford to be high at 11 am on a Tuesday). And I can count on one hand the number of showers I witnessed her take.

Since quarter-pound burgers aren’t ordered as frequently, they tend to sit in the warming tray longer than the smaller patties. Unless you’re in a hurry, it’s usually better to wait for them to cook a fresh one for you. 

Also places you go regularly but don’t necessarily like. Work, for example. 

I was really hoping you were just going to open a bag of pre-peeled garlic.

“If you do, and it goes badly, you have to forfeit your right to that bar”

A more in-depth breakdown that includes the total cost of the labor it takes to turn all raw ingredients into the final pizza you receive would probably be more helpful. But it would also be a lot more difficult to put together.

As mentioned above, they make their own sauce. Even at scale, making something like this is going to cost much more than opening a jar.

I guess it’s better that she volunteered to work for free and get the occasional comped snack. I clicked fully expecting to read that the company had advertised the position as paid in hotdogs.

Even if she didn’t know how homophobic Pepperdine is beforehand, no one forced her to keep the job after she did. I side with the seagull.

It’s just you.

Oh, you can drink a whole beer? Call me when you can do it while smoking a cigarette, too.

But what if I don’t have a heart?

Command + F “ambien”

Yes, but without all that alcohol, who knows if I’d have ever met my wife.

“You probably don’t have a pressure fryer (another element in the Chick-fil-A process), but that’s okay.”

I’m sure UGA students would be very responsible if the university let the stadium start selling alcohol to everybody.

Seems like the kind of thing that would be more dependent on the way you approach it.

If I can hold it after drinking several beers before boarding, you can hold it after chugging the rest of that vitamin water you forgot you couldn’t bring through security.