I certainly don’t think there’s any excuse for choking a pregnant woman. But someone had to step in and stop Mrs. Rivers already.

He actually resigned several weeks ago, but he didn’t think he had to report it to the school.

I was so tickled by this animal that I said out loud in an Australian accent, “Awwwwwww, what’s up Knickers?” and now HR wants to speak with me.

One flew over the Cujo’s nest

*reads just the headline* Ah, so literally any hockey player with a Hockey Dad! Lol.

Fultz is probably the first person to go to the doctor and actually get excited when they find out they’re getting a shot.

It sure makes it seem like Fultz is at odds with the Sixers’ front office, and is possibly seeking proof that his injury is physical rather than mental.  

If Ukraine your neck enough to one side, you can actually see how the ref might’ve thought that he was tripped.

* while you have a head

C’mon man, you could travel to the ends of the earth and not find a better move.  

That wasn’t a mistake, Kyrie simply knew ahead of time the angle the ball would take off his knee. That’s his genius, Kyrie and sees every angle and every curve in the world around him in a way that nobody else does.

“ouch!" -Derrick Rose

Under Armour might also want to end their longstanding practice of making heinous footwear.

Fuck them regardless

I think he ran the concession stand in week 3 and successfully kept Jameis Winston away from the crab legs.

You’d think Johnson would’ve learned to live with his aides by now.

Definitely not enough whiskeys with names that sound like the gutteral yammerings of a drunk Scot.

Just when I thought this nation couldn’t sink any lower, we get punter on punter crime.

I think he meant more like a daddy figure.

The NCAA released a statement that the criminal charges against Bullock will have no effect on his amateur eligibility, because crime doesn’t pay.