Oh god, you reminded me of an even dumber injury!

If it helps, they didn't kill their victim.

Would you please pass that delightful-looking pastry? Oh I do love having you over!

*sips tea*

I think there are times in my life where I could have been accused of being this friend, and while I have learned better how to navigate that now, it's not always coming from a selfish place. Sometimes it is, and I think those people are easy to spot, but sometimes, it would be a situation where I didn't want to ask…

This ridiculous internet narcissism that has people thinking it is appropriate or good to demand that certain celebrities date while others are a terrible match is a sickness. It reinforces all the crazy "publicist setting up the dates" bullshit that makes celebrity a toxic environment.

You won't believe me but I was there and officers failed to take my statement because I saw it all and they were waaay off course. Gabriel was not intoxicated - that was an accusation made by the taco bell employee and never proven, yet they stated it as fact in the original report and have since redacted it. The…

We obviously not talking about Bongosmack Chickenstrip, because he looks like the middle picture on an Animorphs cover .

That's way too much cheekbones for one family. Their offspring will probably be a high elf who shall herald the return of the Eldar onto Middle-Earth.

I thought of this scene as soon as I read the title.

Lol (in the actual sense not how people pepper every fucking sentence with lol)

Yeah, my entire takeaway from this is "Wow, this guy obviously thinks semen is delicious!"

I agree with Satan.

This wonderland is closed for construction since someone died on the ferris wheel.

Gosh, forced tickling is the worst. My dad used to do it when I was a kid and it seriously hurt! I guess he didn't realize he had such strong fingertips. Now if someone starts tickling me I automatically scream like a banshee. We should just ban that game from society.

#thanksforsayingitforme

I don't always, but when I do, it's because the pooping muscles were ejecting the tampon anyway.

#thingsionlysayonline

They may be fake but still funny.