Even though there are blind items about Patrick Schwarzenegger being gay, and I should give up the fantasy, I want nothing more in this world than for there to be a Cyrus/Schwarzenegger love child. A baby who's grandparents include Billy Ray, the kindergarten cop and a Kennedy!! Please, sweet baby Jesus, make this…

interviewer: iggy give us a freestyle

One of the best things about Jezebel is the fact that those of us in love with Robin Hood no longer have to live in the shadows. You've created such a safe space for us and our creepy cartoon love.

Because life is about the Conversation and Jezebel is about Respectful Debate, I also would like to voice my FULL support for Jason Derulo vis a vis this 57 minute supercut of him saying his own name

10 pounds of weed!? Was he trying to build a weed-bale based fort kickass?

Zayn was not in the picture because he was too busy saving your life:

BSB all had quality voices, and were all vaguely hot. nsync only jt and jc sang and the other dudes were weird and fug and sang none of the words and their harmonies weren't as good. and chris looked like an irl pineapple. they did have "edgier" songs, and stayed relevant/had better writers longer than bsb did. i will…

Heh. I assigned 'middle' to mean "Middle-Earth" like you were cramming in references all over the place. But "fleeting middle Animorph stage" also works.

This is one of my favorites but I don't know where it falls in the whiteness spectrum.

OMG I hope it would involve antiquing and horseback riding.

YES

Me too. I need those red nails and lips, like, NOW.

I WANT TO BE TAYLOR SWIFT. That is all.

This feels like a safe space to post my very favorite Hunger Games music -

Does anybody actually enjoy going shopping on Black Friday/Thanksgiving? If so, can you explain why? Every retail worker hates you with every fiber of their being.

Dat ass do

My dad was the best/worst at naming pets. We had cats at various times named Zasu Pitts, Gypsy Rose Lee, Mr Earl, and Woody Hayes.