Dude, I grew up in MD and I am fucking SHOCKED. How did that even happen? Did Anthony Brown run a particularly shitty campaign?

2 things (although there are well over 600 comments on this article so no one will actually read mine):

They first met in Columbia, Del., after Shattuck picked the boy up and drove to a middle school parking lot.

I was on the rugby team in college and we routinely played Cal U. I threw up in a frat house there once. That's really all I have to contribute to this story.

Right? From the time I was a kid through college, I used to love Thursday TV, particularly NBC's Must See TV. It is gone and I really miss it!

I'd help you out, but I'm convinced there's a reason Tina Fey has two daughters and Amy Poehler has two sons: obviously they're going to create a race of super-comedians who will one day save the world from stupid shit like 2 and a Half Men and 2 Broke Girls!

I am legitimately jealous of her kids. Their parents are Amy Poehler and Will Arnett!

I need that. Between 30 Rock ending and now Parks and Rec, I'm having a hard time understanding why life is worth living?

YUS. Didn't see that. Will watch now. I watched the first episode of Freak Show and have not had the interest to watch any more.

I don't really get cat-called because I'm not attractive (whomp whomp), but a man I work with often walks past my desk and tells me to "smile more."

Hey "gluten-free" is just another easy way to identify idiots.

I'm sure she heard it on Fox News or one of her equally idiotic Facebook friends mentioned something about THEY'RE FROM CHINA and Obama is trying to kill us all via heavy metal injections.

So I saw this and didn't realize it was a bowling alley. I just assumed it was the gutter where they found him lying in a puddle of his own liquified organs.

"No, because they're manufactured in China and god-knows what's in them! I'd rather take my chances with the flu."

The only thing more over-wrought than articles freaking out about Ebola are long-winded diatribes about not freaking out about Ebola.

My dad's from Harrisburg. He's a huge Baltimore fan (Ravens and O's) because he grew up watching the Colts, as that area got Baltimore stations rather than Pittsburgh or Philadelphia. That area in general is weird with their sports teams.

Lies. I've awkwardly swiped left on a few Facebook friends. Not good friends. Distant people I knew in high school, but still, Facebook friends.

Agree on both accounts. I'm all for satire, but this is just not that funny or that clever. Meh all around.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who's insanely paranoid about this. I lived alone in two apartments that were pretty maxed out security-wise, what with them being high rises and all. I slept like a rock.

Swing and a miss.