I was once in the window seat of a row of three. There was a gentleman in the aisle seat. As the boarding process ended, it became clear that the middle seat was to remain blissfully empty and I felt immediate relief, until the gentleman picked himself up, scooted over, and started to lower his ass into the vacant…

I always slam in 2 secs too. My wife isn’t too happy with me either.

Before you ever start drinking, make sure you know exactly how many you’re going to have

“I pay $7.30 a day for my kid, it’s about to go up to around $15 a day for people in my income bracket”

Think about what a colossal shithead you have to be to “undermine the reputation” of the Cleveland Browns.

The NFL talks more about dropped balls than a middle school boys locker room

Maybe I’m old fashioned but if I was sexually assaulted, I’d at the very least like to get paid for it

David Stern won’t allow it (I know Adam Silver is commish)

Well, when it comes to Washington and violence with soccer players, there is always Hope.

This is actually an underrated rock bottom for poor Johnny Football: When a guy who has agreed to coach the Raiders AND Browns (taking the latter job when he was still reportedly a prime candidate with other, non-cursed franchises) decides that YOU are not worth trying to fix.

When my oldest was about 6 months old, she found the joys of Spaghetti-Os. One night, she’d eaten a small bowl for dinner with some milk, happy as a little clam. Everything seemed fine. We put her to bed about 8:30 and went to bed shortly after because: 6 month old! Around midnight, we woke to the most foul smell I’ve…

Favorite Deadspin topic ever. MORE PLEASE.

But he’s already been signed...

Pictured: Chill vibes

Peyton Manning: I’ll take “Football Excuses” for 200.

“This might be my last rodeo. So it sure has been a pleasure.”

As a Spurs fan, I watched this with all the horror of the Foley family watching a handcuffed Mick get his head caved by in The Rock. I know it’s one road game in January and without Timmy shoring up the post, but man....tonight was not a good omen.

Right... gassing.

Calm down there, Satan.

Not to be a dick but Thomas Davis was not on the Panthers during their last Super Bowl.. Which was in 03-04 season.. Not 2005. You’ll get ‘em next time though