That painfully unfunny motherfucker is in the black. How?!? I feel like a juggalo.

Carnac the Magnificent: “Beavers, Spain & terror”

Feeling better about my NFL boycott every day

Man, FUCK Boston.

That IS alarming. You are very young for the sex drive to evaporate like that. Sex counselling is a great option, as is a look into what medications or foods may be to blame.

FUCK PETA

I won’t tell Magary about your mayo fetish

Are you quoting Red Hot Chili Peppers?

Your newsletter sir, I would like to subscribe to it.

To quote the great poet Adam Yauch, there’s nothing “cheaper than a hot dog with no mustard”.

I’m thinking you’re right

*football-shaped football player

Thank you! No one wants to smell that and believe me, your shoes stink if you aren’t wearing socks

Reading is hard

Agreed. Libertarians are garbage people however

I think it comes from Nixon’s single-payer proposal, but i think that was 1974 and not something he ran on in ‘72

Ambivalence is the correct answer

So a slave, a jew and an Irishman walk into a bar...

Why would this have been embarrassing? The ‘C’ team from a place that DGAF about soccer shouldn’t expect to bowl over a team from a country where everyone plays (and is passionate about) the game. To most Americans, a loss to Martinique wouldn’t even register

Now that’s a pamphlet I’d like to read